The Ghost Letters

The High End of Low In Tokyo

2012-01-30T23:41:00.000+09:00

Howdy Yall! To be honest, I have been thinking for a while as to how exactly to write this post. I really do not want to be misunderstood. It is not easy to write about living wages because I am aware that there are many reasons which could be given to refuse to provide a living wage for workers. Yet, I think it is time for me to write about this.
Ya know, it is no secret that being a foreign English teacher in Japan means dealing with being kicked around and exploited. You really have to develop a certain love for teaching English in order to hang in there. It is very hard to get a job teaching English which provides a living wage. For some reason a lot of companies feel that teachers do not deserve to have a living wage. I do not understand this kind of thinking but it is the sad truth. It seems only logical to me that when workers are given a living wage they should be more motivated to try their best. It also seems natural to me that giving workers a living wage cuts down on problems from within any given company. I assume that such logic would be the natural thinking of most people; but as we all know this is not true. Yet, we must still deal with this situation and attempt to make the best if it.

Working out a deal to get something close to a living wage or at least a situation which is somewhat stable is the key. Of course, most of us care deeply about our jobs. To say that we don't is nothing more than an attempt to kick us around a bit. Yet, it is important to come to an understanding which works for both sides(the teacher and the company). The way to go about this depends on the nature of the company you are working for. If you work for a company which is a bit open then a friendly chat about a few issues should produce some results. Although, if you work for a more closed company with clandestine inner workings, it will take some more hard bargaining to reach some kind of understanding.

Let's assume we are dealing with a more clandestine situation. You should expect that there will be a few reasons for knocking you down or not giving you some of the things you want. Some of those reason will be valid and you will have to explain those things. Yet, most of the reasons will be trumped up charges; which you will also have to explain why those reasons, with respect of course, are not serious reasons to kick you down. The most important thing is to remember that you want to work for said company. What you want is to simply get a decent deal and not be fucked over.

Depending on the kind of personalities you are dealing with, you may have to be a bit stern. You got to be careful about being stern because ego and pride is an easy thing to offend. I know no one wants to feed someone's ego so it is best to simply speak very honest and on a human level. It takes a real fucker to not understand you if you are being honest and very human.

As for me, my goal is always the same. I just want to have something of a living wage in order to provide food on the table for my wife. It would be nice to be able to come to work everyday with the understanding that I am in fact trying hard and can be spared all the useless politics that ruin the teaching experience. I really have fallen in love with teaching English in Japan. My passion for teaching should never have to come into question. I find it sad that politics seems to get in the way of what is important; teach English and make a decent living at the same time.

The high end of low is a hard thing to face when you have such simple goals in mind.

Accepting Japan before Japan Accepts Me

2012-01-27T02:46:00.002+09:00

Howdy Yall! Before coming to Japan I really did not know much of anything about this island nation. All I knew was that they make damn good TV's, cars, porn and have a thing for hyper fast pop music. Now that I have been in Japan for several years, I know a whole lot more about this semi-closed society. In fact, I know more than I ever wished to know about Japan. I could write about a lot of different things about Japanese culture. I could spend my time writing about some of the crap I used to write about; temples food and stuff like that. I cannot do that anymore. It is much better for me to be real with all of yall. Being real has made this blog much more interesting and true to my experience in Japan.

With that said, one of the hardest things I have never had to do is accept Japan as it is in it's current form. As anyone who has lived here for a few years can tell you, Japanese don't accept outsiders very easily. Of course, they have gotten much more accepting since the end of WW2 but they still struggle with the realities of a growing multi-ethnic society. To say that a lot of Japanese are filled with Xenophobic fear is an understatement. Many Japanese go far beyond any Xenophobic or racist tendencies. Sadly, there are many J-folk who will go to great lengths to marginalize you simply because you are not Japanese. So many people have attempted to explain, or make reason, of Japan's unique form of exclusion. My take on it is just as unique as Japan itself.

It seems clear to me that Japanese are trained from a very young age to exclude people from their daily life. They don't just do it to gaijin; they even do it to each other. Yeah, I have met my fair share of outgoing, half crazy, fun loving Japanese. Yet, on the other hand I have met even more Japanese who would prefer to jump in front of a fucking JR train at rush hour then deal with others head on. One of the great failures of Japanese culture is to develop proper social skills to be able to at least handle social situations on their own terms as an individual. Some of them have been able to learn social skills in order to at least handle themselves as an individual. Although, this is not normal and you should not expect it at all. So, the big challenge is how to accept an ethnic group which is unable to even accept themselves. Well, for an outgoing southern guy from American who says crazy shit when he drinks too much accepting Japanese culture has very funny results.

I use humor daily in order to accept Japan before Japan accepts me. I have leaned to laugh at the out of hand things a lot of Japanese do to marginalize damn near everyone around them. Most of the insane things a lot of them do to avoid standing on their own as an individual deserves a poke from me from time to time. I just cannot help myself at times yall. If I don't rattle their cage at the right moment, I will seriously loose my shit. Let me give you a few funny examples of how I have learned to accept Japan.

The salary man who burns a whole though my head on the train.

This guy is epic. He clearly has something to say to me. It might be because he wants to make a new friend or he wants to get some shit started. I don't know why he is staring me down but it is not okay to stare at someone like that without saying something. He must be thinking he can get away with it because he is surrounded by other Japanese. Usually I just let it go because I don't want any trouble on the damn train. Yet, from time to time I decide to play a little game. I call it the 'motherfucker do I look funny to you game.' What I do is start making funny faces at the guy. The same kind of funny faces that little kids make at each other. Throws the guy off his game every time. The funny part comes when he starts looking around trying to make eye contact with another Japanese so he can get them to look at me. His goal is to get them to look at me so he can create the image that I am a crazy gaijin and he did nothing wrong. I win this game every time because if he does get another Japanese to stare at me I make funny faces at them too.

Howdy! Let's be friends you racist bastard

From time to time I get a wild one of my hands. He has the support of a given group because he has gotten control over the group's thinking. I am just trying to be an open friendly American. He don't like that because he fears losing control over the group; as if I give a fuck about who controls what. So, he starts talking shit about English teachers and how fucked up and useless gaijin are to Japan. I know he is full of fear simply because I am not Japanese and he wants to maintain his ego trip. I say the same thing almost every time, 'You are a fucking racist buddy. I will go back to my native nation and tell everyone what a gang of fucked up backward racist Japanese people are.' That fucks with his head big time. The group usually laughs their ass off at him because the one thing that crushes most Japanese is to be laughed at by the group over something a gaijin said about them. Usually the guy gets a look on his face like he wants to kill me; but of course he doesn't do shit but turn his back on me and pretend I am a ghost(which partly explains the title of this blog).

Let's get to the point already!

Okay. I must admit this one is a bit brutal. I only reserve it as a last resort. One of my Japanese brothers and sisters deems it fit to attack me because they feel it will further their agenda. My non-Japanese status makes me look like an easy target. So, with the support of a group of course, they attempt to lay into me. Sadly, because they are so full of fear they are unable to attack me directly they speak in such a round about way that they are unable to really go after me. So, I simply ask the most direct question I can think of at the moment. Man, it really throws them for a loop. After that they usually back off a bit and start to deal with me on a more human level. I don't like doing that to them but sometimes I simply have to in order to snap them out of their trip.

So yeah, I have learned to use humor to accept Japan before Japan accepts me. One day I am sure Japan will be okay with me and we will not have to have these odd funny run ins with each other. Hell, Japan has already given me permanent residence. It is only a matter of time before Japan learns to love me just the way I am.

Mad Tokyo Cows and the Joys of the Gaijin Bubble

2012-01-25T05:41:00.003+09:00

Howdy as always yall! You know, everyone needs a good laugh. It is laughter which has got me though some shitty parts of my life. It is also just good fun all around. Although, as you can guess finding English stand up comedy in Tokyo is not an easy mission. Naturally, most live comedy is done in Japanese. To be honest, I don't really find Japanese comedy all that funny. The natives laugh at J-comedy but I usually find it to be a little silly. With all that said, there is a underground traveling stand up group in the Tokyo area known as Mad Cows of Tokyo.

I have heard about this group for a while but it was not until last week that I finally made it out to one of their little events. I was encouraged to attend the event by a gal I met in a bar in Shibuya. She was upbeat and full of conversation topics, so when she not only invited me, but sent me several emails reminding of the event, I really had no other choice but to attend. It seemed a big deal for her that I show up and watch her sing a funny song. So, being the Southern gentlemen that I am, I left work in Yokohama and traveled to Daikanyama to see for myself what all the fuss was about.

This gal really made a big deal about my attendance. She gave me a few texts while I was at work and even had me text her when I arrived at Daikanyama so she could meet up with me. Her warmth and care for my safe and speedy arrival was a refreshing change from the usual attitudes a deal with daily. Anyway, after we met up we went, arm and arm, around the corner to a coffee shop which hide itself in a maze pretending to be a building. Tokyo has a lot of buildings like this due to a limited amount of space and inflated land prices. It is not all that hard to get lost in a three story building. It took us about 15 minutes to finally find the actual coffee shop.

It was a mellow little coffee shop which sold hard drinks about the sun goes down. Judging from the layout of the joint, I guess that they go after the working class during the day and aim for the tired business folk after sunset. Overall, it was a nice little place except for the overpriced drinks and low lighting. I kind of had to focus to get a feel for the surroundings because my new friend made it a point to introduce me to everyone she knew. Apparently, she is a regular on the underground English comedy ring in Tokyo and knows all the other comedians. I got to meet everyone and I quickly felt that something was out of place. I could not tell what was off with these people at first but something seemed forced and unnatural. An odd kicking distance which was so strong that I was almost taken back by it. Yet, it was hard to focus due to my escort having me jump from one person to the next. It was fun meeting so many people at once all the same.

The event was actually meant to be a little contest of sorts for a bigger planned event. The winner from this event went on to a larger event with some sort of prize involved. I was not exactly clear on the details. It seemed that most people did not really care about the contest and just wanted to get up in front of the small crowd, tell some jokes and just have a few laughs. Most of them were okay and I found most of them to have at least said a few funny things. The comedians were from several different backgrounds, including a few Japanese, so it was fun to hear jokes with a different perspective. Overall, they made me laugh enough for me to say I enjoyed the stand up. Although, it was only after the performance that I got a better sense of why I felt the strange distance.

It was more than just the natural awkwardness of meeting new people. I was a gaijin they did not know and I was also someone who is not out and about all the time. Only one or two people could place me at any other place before. My buddy Paul,who is different from the other gaijin at the event, was there so he knew me. The gal that invited me to the event knew we as well. After about 15 minutes of listening to everyone else talk, it became clear to me that most of the comedians had been living in the gaijin bubble.

For those of yall who don't know what the gaijin bubble is please allow me to explain. A gaijin bubble is when someone avoids regular direct contact with native Japanese people. Instead, go to places in which English is often spoken and most of the things they do involve other foreigners. I will never knock such behavior because Japan is a tough nation to get used to and having people around ya who share a similar background can really make life easier. The thing is, I am really not used to being around these kind of folk. The social rules are totally different from the kind of foreigners I usually hang out with. You cannot say certain things around these folks and expect to win their favor. For example, you cannot say anything positive about Japanese people or Japanese culture. Due to the bubble they live in, Japanese culture looks like a backwards off putting concept to them. Also, it is not a good idea to speak too much Japanese around them. Speaking Japanese to other native speakers of English is very odd for someone who lives in a gaijin bubble. I can totally understand the kinds of feelings these folks have about Japan. The culture here is hard to adjust to and it is even harder to fit in a homogenous society. A lot of people do come to Japan and quickly realize the uphill battle of being gaijin in Japan. It is real easy to surround yourself with people of a similar background and create a bubble. Now, I am sure that not everyone performing that night lives in a bubble. I am sure that several of them deal with Japan head on everyday. Although, there were enough people there who do live in a bubble to call it a majority.

Yeah, it can be very hard living in Japan. From time to time, I even put myself into a temporary bubble just to get away from the up tight lifestyle in Japan. So, that is why the Mad Cows of Tokyo are cool. You can hang out with people who have a strong sense of their own culture and have a good laugh as well. In fact, they are having another little mini event at my buddy Paul's bar Vega Wine Bar on Jan. 25th Tokyo time. It was good to see Paul again and I miss going to his bar. So, if you got nothing to do in the 25th then you might just find me at Vega Wine Bar in Ebisu. Click here for the Vega bar website so you can get more details. BTW Monday is Wine Viking night which means for 2,000 yen you can drink all of Paul's fine wine you like for two hours. Also you can click here to check out Mad Cows of Tokyo website to learn a bit more about what they do.

2011: A year of Self Discovery in a Nation Brought to It's Knees

2011-12-14T04:44:00.001+09:00

Howdy Y'all! it has been a while since I have wrote to all of you. I took over a month off from this blog of mine. I decided that before I scribble down anymore digital rambles, I needed to sort out a few things. I wanted a bit of time to reflect and focus on a few other items of interest. To speak the dirty truth, I actually have been writing my hill billy ass off just not here in this blog. I have been writing a few more articles for America20xy.com. You can check out the site by clicking on the link provided. I have also been working on a collection of ten short fiction stories based on the underbelly of social issues in Japan. The stories will fit into the pulp genre of writing. I hope to have them all finished by the end of January; self publish sometime after that. I have also been keeping up with making Youtube vids, but I think I need to rethink the way I am doing those vids. Check out my channel by clicking here.

Although, this blog post is much more than me simply giving an update on my writing. As y'all know 2011 has been one hell of a year for me. For starters, this blog took a much more raw edge compared to years past. I have held very little back this year and choose instead to present a more real and raw experience of my life in Tokyo. What I did not realize when I started to write more raw was that 2011 would be a major year of self discovery for me. After years pushing certain mental weaknesses into the deep dark spaces of my mind, everything found a way to come to the surface in bombastic fashion. I have spend the majority of this year working out a lot of things about myself. Y'all have been witness to some of my struggle by reading this blog. Yet, it is time for me to reflect a bit.

I am damn sure that my mental health came into question after the massive earthquake hit Japan earlier this year. I, along with most humans living on this island, have never experienced something on the same magnitude as what has happened in Japan this year. After a massive earthquake, deadly tsunami and multi nuclear power core meltdowns a lot of gaijin bailed on Japan. I can really understand why so many people left; but I stayed because my life is in Japan. Also, when you think about it the Japanese don't have the option to leave Japan. So, it has been interesting to stay in Japan with people who have no option but to stay. Although, staying here, and dealing with the stress of the situation, caused something to snap some place deep in my mind. I think it took about two months after the quake for me to start having cracks in the armor. It started with anger. I found myself really fucking pissed off almost everyday. It got to the point in which I could not go one day without getting angry as a bull.

I guess it came from the cold blooded nature of a lot of people I interacted with after the quake. People I had known for years for saying some of the most asshole cold blooded shit I had ever heard. I remember one thing which was really over the top. I asked a co-worker of mine at the time if he thought it was wrong that our company was firing and/or threatening to fire people for leaving Japan for a week or two after the quake. His answer was the most heartless thing I had never heard. He said, 'They signed a deal to work. They are not following policy by suddenly taking time off work so they deserve to be fired. Fuck them!' It took everything inside of me not to slap the taste out of his mouth. I dealt with a lot of assholes during the first few weeks after the quake. People were being so fucked up, more than usual in Tokyo, that it was maddening to say the least. The news reports I was writing at the time also brought me a fair share of shit from people I never expected. I had one 'trusted friend' who attacked me for reporting the the nuclear cores at Fukushima has melted down. He pretty much told me that I was a liar and stupid for reporting such a thing. Oh yeah, that was a wonderful thing to hear from a friend. It seemed that every heartless asshole in Tokyo was floating though my life at that time. It was as if I had became a magnet for fucked up folks. People were operating way over their stress level and viewed me as a rock solid hill billy you could handle anything thrown at him. Well, the truth is that I also have a limit for how much stress and bullshit I can handle before I break.

The anger wore off after a lot of insane attempts to purge it from myself. I was left with P.T.S. and a slew of other things which had boiled to the surface. In order to deal with the massive conflict my mind split a bit. Let me tell y'all that I was told by a doctor years ago that was bi-polar. I was even on meds for it when I was younger. Although, I was under the impression that had it under control. This summer I was proven wrong because my Bi-polar reared it's ugly head at exactly the wrong time in my life. Suffering from Bi-polar can really fucking suck at times. For the entire summer of 2011 I was caught in what is known as cycling. People who are bi-polar, simply put, have two extreme sides to their personality. It is the same person but with two very distinct emotional view points. Bi-ploar is very different from split personality. People who suffer from split personality have to very distinct personalities which they cannot control on their own. With that said, cycling is a state in which a bi-polar person switches from one polar extreme to the other at random. It is really painful mentally. When I am cycling, sleep is very hard to come by and I have trouble understanding other folks perspectives. The only positive to it is that I become highly creative and my mind operates really fast. So, you can image what four months of cycling must be like.

I did a lot of crazy shit during the summer of 2011 in Tokyo, Japan. A lot of it I did not mention on this blog because I did not really understand why I was doing those things. I mean damn, I got into bar fights, heated arguments, drank like a fish, slept on the streets several times and spent a lot of my time diving head first into the dark parts of Tokyo. I was totally out of control. Yet, the entire time I was trying to control it all. I had so many conversations with myself in which I would talk things out. It scared me a bit because I was having full conversations with myself on a regular basis. A lot of twisted sick ideas went though my head so I had to talk myself out of a lot of insane shit. It was not until Aug. that I finally sought out professional help. It has really help going to these sessions. I talk with a professional therapist, who speaks English, about once every two weeks. This person knows a lot about the human mind that I don't so I have been able to work out a lot of things.

The thing that I have learned that has really helped is that I must accept both sides of my bi-polar personality. A bi-polar personality will compete with itself. The mind will try to find a constant which causes conflict with a bi-polar personality. So, when I start cycling the best thing to do is to accept both emotional reactions and let my own logic sort out which response is natural and which one is a result of bi-polar. I know that sounds a bit nuts but it actually works for me. I can be a heavenly angel or a hard ass demon at a moments notice so I must give my mind time to sort out which emotion I am naturally feeling. It sounds really complex and requires a lot of concentration, but I have gotten it down to the point in which is only takes a few minutes to sort out. When people see me a bit quit or appearing to be a little uncomfortable is it because I am cycling and need a few minutes to sort it out. I think there are a lot of people around me these days who understand that and tend to let me be. It is a nice change of pace these days. When I am in a social setting with people who have known me for a while, they usually let me choose how pro active I wish to be. If I just wanna hang out and not say much, more people are willing to let me do so.

With all of that, I also realized that I needed to get the fuck away from Japan for a bit. Truth be told, as much I have come to love this island nation, there is a unforgiving attitude taken towards mental health in Japan. I was lucky to find a shrink who would see me; and speak fluent English. So, I did get the fuck out of Japan for a bit. I hauled my ass to Vietnam for a little while. I am aware of the clear irony of an American libertarian living in Tokyo going to Vietnam for a little holiday. I laughed about it myself over several bottles of wine in Ho Chi Mein with my travel partner. Yet, spending some time in Ho Chi Mein was damn good for me. Shockingly enough, Ho Chi Mein is a rather liberal city for a communist nation. In Tokyo, I have to really search sometimes to find a true open liberal(in the libertarian sense of the term) environment. In Ho Chi Mein I was able to walk down the street without people staring at me. Some people would even strike up a conversation with me and be generally friendly. I spent a lot of time getting myself back on track. Y'all can see the picture I included in this post; right? Well, that is me well balanced and thinking clearly. There was no nutty shit inside of my head. I was relaxed and in control.

The experienced allowed me to come to a new way of thinking. Chris from Confessions of a bad boy in Japan first brought this to my attention and I feel it makes perfect sense; 'I am not living in their world; they are living in mine.' Such a mind set finally hit me one night in Ho Chi Mein. I was in a five star hotel drinking a fine bottle of wine. I went out on to the balcony to enjoy the wonderfully warm night air. I saw all the chaos on the street. The road was a mess of chaotic coming and going of cars, trucks and motorbikes. I thought to myself; 'Look at all of those damn people. They are fucking off the traffic rules and driving the way which best matches the situation. They are pretty much interacting with other drivers on their own terms. For them, everyone is living in their world.' So, why not deal with everyone on my own terms? Japan is a nation which can break even the strongest person. The pressure to be a bottom feeding zombie is so great here that demanding others deal with you on your terms can be a very painful experience. Although, I don't have to play ball with any sorry ass social game. I love Japan, but I often find myself judging the social structure as really fucking childish. The whole idea that no one is allowed to stand out or be unique leads to a lot of childish behavior and jealously. I have seen a lot of Japanese freak the fuck out because someone had success doing something a little different. A lot of foreigners do the same shit. I don't have to play that shit with anyone. In fact, I have learned to laugh my ass off at such people. Yeah, it makes some people really angry when I laugh in their face but they had it coming.

Anyway, 2011 has been one hell of a year. I have been though a bit of hell and I am stronger for it. I am not out of the wood work just yet but I am doing a whole lot better. 2012 looks bright.

Tokyo Ghost:Reboot V2.0 Satanis OS

2011-10-25T05:28:00.002+09:00

Before I sat down to write this post I had to really think about how I will express my state of mind. Yeah, I am suffering a mental breakdown. I can be honest and admit that fact. Some people have reached out and offered me support. One person, a guy I have known for years, actually sat down and had noodles and coffee with me recently. He let me talk about a lot of things and gave some advice. He had experienced the same thing I can going though so he could relate to the pain I am experiencing. He knows who is he and I am deeply thankful for this support. I also ended up calling an emergency outreach outline which provide help in English. There has been a massive outpouring of support from the internet. People have come out of the wood work to offer words of support and love. I am thankful to every person who has taken the time to give a damn about me. With that said, the long process of the total reboot is now under way.

I now understand I have a dark nature which I must admit to fully. For too long I have refused to admit to myself that there is a darkness which lives in me. Everyone has a certain amount of darkness in them but with me it is a little different. My darkness is like an alter-ego of sorts. It is kind of like a `super` version of myself which has been there for a long time. I think it started when I was a kid. I grew up very rough and my father was a hard drinking violent man who taught me to be tough as nails and fight for my very life. I still remember how he used to pick fist fights with me in order to `toughen me up.` I think it was that `kill or be killed attitude` which was the spark of my darkness. If it was not for my mother`s grace I would most likely be dead by now. That is the past; this is now.

Now I am a grown man living in Tokyo Japan. So far, I have lived my life with a rawness which would break most people...and yes I have finally broke. I have let this odd nature of mine become too much for my mind to handle. For years it lay hidden with only a select group of people able to clearly see that I had a major problem. All the stresses of living, not only in a foreign land, but also in a huge metro area has finally brought out the issues with my mental state to the surface. Almost out of no where my behavior became extreme and a bit dangerous. Even now I am struggling to get a handle on everything. Yet, I have established some ground rules.

I don`t like bars anymore. Yeah, I said it. Fuck all that boozing and general bullshit! It is actually not all the fun. Most people are drinking for the wrong reasons. Most people are out there to get drunk, laid or to pick a fight. All three of those things are not really a big interest in my life. Drinking does not help anything. If I want to have sex I don`t have to go very far to get it. Nothing good comes from fighting. So, what is the point of going to a bar? It really does not offer me much.

Most people are not worth my time and effort. They don`t care about me. I would rather focus on people who do care about me and people who I care and love than run around with a gang of sorry fucks who will not stand by me. I know a lot of people who always want to go out drinking with me but they never really spend any time with me. They don`t know me at all. Why am I giving these people any of my valuable time and energy? I really don`t need a lot of people in my life. Most people are just going to give me stress and use me. Fuck most people; seriously!

Choosing my battles. Yeah, this is a big one. Life is full of battles. Most of the drama is not worth my time. Of course I could spend my life going at it with every little shithead who makes my life harder than it should be but it is just not worth it. I prefer peace and love not war and hate. I am learning to accept that some people will cause static for me no matter what I do. I need to brush off people`s shit and move on. My happiness is too important to me to be bothered with constant drama.

Living life for myself. This is something I have not really done for many years. I did not realize it but I have been trying to make the world happy. What I have gotten in return is a massive amount of negative energy and abuse. It is sad to say but most people will use me if I try to please them. My life is about me and only me. I don`t have to make anyone happy if I choose not to do so. I deserve to be happy as well. My personal happiness and peace of mind should be number one. If someone cannot understand that then fuck their sorry ass!

So yeah, the new improved me will be a bit more satanic. I must be a bit more self-centered than I have never been before. Those who believe in me and show me true kindness and love will get the same return to them 200 percent. Everyone else can fuck off! That is the way it has to be in order for me to not go crazy. I have a darkness in me and I have to learn to live with it. It could actually be my advantage if I can learn to control the darker parts of my personality. In order for me to control it there must be some ground rules. I am having a mental breakdown because I was unable to accept who I am. Love or hate me; I will be me. Negative energy is not good for me. It only feeds the darkness inside of me. I think I can manage the natural levels of darkness in my personality as long as it is not fueled by all the shit which tears me down. I want to take in positive energy as much as I can. It feels better and it is good for me overall.

It will take time for me to fully repair my mind but at least now I have some ground rules. There are things which will no longer be acceptable for me anymore. If anyone tries to put negative energy in me, use and abuse me or pushes me to do things I am not okay with then they need to go far far away.

You Goofy Kids Will Speak English

2011-10-24T05:34:00.001+09:00

*Next post will be an update about my on going mental issues. I want to write about something which gives me great joy this time.

Teaching kids is a measure of what makes or breaks a person`s desire to teach. Unlike adults a kid don`t give a fuck. A kid will pretty much be themselves all the time. They are sure to be selfish, rude and self absorbed much more often then a fully mature adult. Yet, their minds are beautiful and you, the teacher, have the unique ability to be one of the biggest influences in their life. So, stop being a lazy prick when it comes to teaching kids!

There are some damn good teachers out there teaching kids; Chris who writes the Confessions of a Badboy in Japan blog is one of them. Sadly, most of the teachers I know hate teaching kids. They talk so much shit when kids are on their schedule for the day. It only slightly pisses me off because I know just how much job satisfaction and general fun they are missing out on. When kids are on my schedule I know my day will be pretty damn good. Most little ones look up to a teacher. You are their role model and giver of something they cannot get anywhere else; the English language. You would be surprised how many kids look forward all week to their English lesson. It is a really big deal for them. You are that teacher who speaks that funny language which is fun to speak. With all of that said, there is still the job of attempting to teach them.

Most kids have very little focus. When a kid does not want to chill out for a few minutes and learn the base material for the lesson it can make you almost want to walk out of the classroom. I always keep in mind that I am in control of the class. Some kids tend to think that THEY are the boss but that ends when they take my lessons. We have a lot of fun in class but it must always be understood that I am the boss. We get out of our seats and put English into action in every lesson but only when it is time to do so. If I get one who thinks that he/she is going to climb on shit, sit on the table or be a general ass then it is time to learn who is the boss. Remember they are kids so it does not take any harsh methods to get them under control. There are a few basic things I do to remind them that it is MY class.

First, I always try to show them respect. I say, `Hiro! It is book time now. Games come later. It is dangerous to climb on things. Sit down!` I will try that a few times until it become clear the student has no interest in listening to me. The next thing I usually do is pull the old `have it your way buddy.` I simply start the lesson and leave them in the dust. If they don`t want to do what I say then they will do nothing. Usually when they see that the lesson has started and they did not get their invitation, they will sit down and chill out long enough for me to get the ball rolling. Although, sometimes it is simply not enough. As a final measure I will gently pick them up and place them in their seat and proclaim, `Hiro! You sit here. No seat; no game later.` That almost always does the trick. The game is what they always look forward to because they get to have fun with me and use the language we studied. Believe it or not but most kids, especially the 4-6 year age range, like the teacher. They want your attention because they think you are the coolest adult they know. Remember that in Japan you look act and speak nothing like their parents. In my experience they usually misbehave because, in their minds, you will think they are cool like you. They are NOT cool like me and never will be because they are kids and I am a fully grown adult. Their bullshit is not cool in my world.

There is of course that one kid who wants to be a little asshole to you and every student in the class. This type of kid is usually between the age of 5-12 and will rebel against everything because their parents are too fucked up to teach them any manners. In those situations it is time to get real. For example, from time to time I run across the little boy who likes to hit girls. That is a bad habit which could develop into something far worse when they get older. If it was my school their little butt would be out the door. Sadly, I don`t have my own school. I work for a greedy company which refuses to turn away any student as long as the parents pay in cash for lessons every month. So, I have to reenforce basic social morals on the spot. I stop the hitting and say, `Hit me big man!` with a strong enough look on my face to show them this is serious and unacceptable. They stop hitting girls pretty quickly. The other type of little bad ass I usually run across is the one who likes to throw random shit and say profane words in Japanese. In that case I have to prepare the class ahead of time so they there is almost nothing to throw. If I use balls turning the lesson, I keep those balls close to me and out of reach. When they use profane Japanese words I just point at him/her and repeat what they just said. The shock of hearing me say a profane Japanese word, which they just said themselves, is enough to get them to stop.

But getting the little ones focused is only one small part of a good kids teacher`s method. The most important thing is actually teaching them to speak the English language.
(I am not worried about revealing one of many lesson structures I use because over time all lesson structures change)
I usually do it like this:

1)Happy Hello(students must try to tell me their feeling)
2)Homework check(If there is homework to review)
3) Simon says with the textbook(each student must say either book up,book down,book under the table, book on top of the table. After each command everyone must do what was said)
4)Open book and drill target vocab. and sentences
5) Muilti-Media (usually a CD with listen and repeat activity but anything which reenforces the target language i.e. internet, slide show ect).
6) One practice conversation with each other(among things it helps them to understand the difference between a question and a statement.)
7) Short mini-quiz(any type of quiz style which challenges them to listen to the language and choose the correct answer.)
Game time(any interactive game which involves using the target language for the game to move forward).
8) Homework reminder and Happy Good Bye

This lesson structure is only a base. A kind of guideline I use when working out a way to give the little ones the best I got. This is not the only lesson structure I use when teaching kids. I have 10 different base lesson structures I use for kids. Depending on age and ability. There is no cookie cutter method for teaching kids. It frustrates the living shit out of me when these damn English education companies force teachers to follow a fucking cookie cutter lesson method which quickly becomes stale and totally useless. A better way to do things is to train the teachers on a basic lesson structure and let them experiment from that point. The teachers who give a damn will end up with something totally new and unique over time. The lazy bastards will keep doing the same shit over and over again. As for me, I am told to do cookie cutter lessons but I just cannot bring myself to do it. The little ones deserve better than that. Most of the kids I teach do in fact get better. I can see for myself that their English ability improves. That is good enough for me to realize that I am doing something right.

System Error: Shut Down Advised

2011-10-22T09:25:00.000+09:00

Okay. Yeah, things are been crazy recently. I am not talking about the good kind of crazy either. Something has finally boiled to the surface after a long time of simmering. Something inside of me has exploded. I cannot say that I did not see it coming. In fact, I knew it would happen one day. For years I have known that one day I would crack up. I am struggling to understand exactly what do. Mental health is not something dealt with very well in Japan. From what I have noticed it is consider a weakness rather than a serious problem which needs attention. No wonder there are so many crazy ass people in Tokyo. There is just not a lot of help for people here. So what do I do?

Over the last few days my behavior has become beyond extreme. It is like there is another person living inside of me. It just kind of takes me over with little notice. I am not a doctor or an expert about this kind of stuff but I do know how my mind is reacting. I can feel something happen with me. It kind of like my mind is split a bit. Suddenly, I have these two every extreme side to me. One side is very friendly, warm, loving and forgiving. The other side is cold, brutal, aggressive and prone to random acts of hate. It started showing itself about eight months ago but my mind was still trying to fight it off. It was like when I computer get a virus. At first the computer attempts to contain it to prevent any major damage until the user finds a way to kill it. That is exactly what my mind has been doing. Although, the user, in this case me, did not deal with the problem. So maybe my mind has logically decided to split in order to maintain myself. Like I said, I am not a doctor but this is what my head feels like currently.

I kind of understand what triggers it. Anytime I feel fear, doubt, confusion, or threatened this other side of me takes over. I become angry and focused like a tiger in the wild. I say things which should never be said. I do things which might get me killed. In general, I become a totally different person. It is not always extreme. It could be something as simple as saying something brutal to someone who makes me feel threatened. For example, when I am crushed on the train words like asshole and `you fuckers` fly out of my mouth. I know the situation cannot be helped but I give static all the same. Other times it can be much more extreme. As another example, I recently ended up getting into a fight at a bar. There was this really drunk women at the bar and she kept hating on me the entire evening. Just being disrespectful and not nice at all. When she started attacking my Americanism that is when I snapped. We got into a heated argument about America. Her boyfriend asked me to leave and that is when I took a swing at him. This guy was twice my size and could have easily killed me. Instead, he gently took a hold of and `dude get the hell out of here.` I think he saved my life. Yeah, I am avoiding bars for a good long time.

I am unable to go with the flow anymore. It is like my mind is at war with it self. Communication is becoming difficult for me. Talking to people who are gentle to me or while I am teaching is no problem. Actually, I think my English lessons have been a lot better recently. It is like I put a lot of energy into teaching as a way to clear my head. It feels better than ever to see the smiles and efforts of the students. They give me joy.

I have got to work this shit out soon. I cannot be sure I am right about everything I have written here because I am not trained to fully understand the human mind. I am sure that there must be a way to get this under control. Actually, I must get this problem under control. If I can find a way to manage these outbreaks to the point in which they don`t happen so often then I should be okay. I wanted to share this with yall because I don`t have a lot of people to talk to about this.

I`m Making Monsters for My Friends

2011-10-20T06:49:00.000+09:00

It starts as soon as I wake up. The clock hammers my ears with the painful reminder that I must deal with yet another day of fighting off monsters created by the corp. machine of Japan. I look at the choices of suits hanging from the bedroon sliding door. Those damn suits...those fucking weapons of mass murder which kill part of me daily. They call me with the same death blow chants; `Hi bitch. Remember me? Yeah, come over here and offer up your body to the gods of greed and social murder.` My body moves but my mind refuses to play ball. I need chemicals in order to do this again. I fill my body with coffee and Lucky Strikes. No time for food; no time for you!

After a quick shit, shower and shave out the door I go. Another day of having a little Japanese dick rammed into my asshole for the benefit of some old fucker who lives on some remote tropical island. I bleed and he breeds. With each part that dies he, and his stripe, get fat from my blood sweat and tears. My madness is his pleaure. All of this and I have not even got on my first train yet.

At my home station I wait for the daily death ride to start. There are no smiles or the gentle warmth of the human experience. Only cold blank stares and hatred of the masses are to be found at the hangman`s waiting room. As the train arrives a massive fight for a seat goes down. I get pushed punched and rib knocked as my fellow rogues attempt to stomp me into dust. I survive...this pisses everyone off. With each train I jump on, not into, the battle become more intense. They are out to get me I tell you! My death would provide entertainment for the masses of asses who long ago were beat into the slime of the earth. I am shit...but they are the slime crusted dicks and bitches who make our city the dark twisted place it is today. They would kill me if they thought they would get away with it. If they thought killing me would benefit them, I would surely be a dead man by sundown. Yet, somehow I make it to the school of no choice for the day.

I enter the so-called school and attain the title of exploited gaijin whore. Never am I considered a `real teacher.` At best, I can hope to be considered the gaijin with a brain. Real teachers must be Japanese and work in the systemtic shit hole known as the Japanese public school system. As long as I am everyone`s favorite monkey who makes students giggle all is well. Fuck that I say...I am actually going to attempt to teach something. Of course, the harder I try the more of an asshole I am in the eyes of elite fucks who have a golden Japanese dick in their ass. These gaijin pricks who long ago sold out consider me to be the `Black Sheep` in the company. Black Sheep I may be but sell out...EVER!

My clear resistence to the machine which produces brain dead shitheads does not pervent them from putting the weight of the world on my shoulders. Oh yeah! I am expected to save the company`s ass by using my magic to make a full house of students show up everyday. If my gaijin magic fails then I am a worthless pile of Korean dog shit. It is believed that gaijin have some magic power which can force students to show up and pay money. If that does not happen then clearly I am not using my magic and I am selfish. Come on gaijin! Use your magic and make us money. Don`t be selfish! We know you have magic powers. Yeah, fuck you too! In fact, fuck all of yall!

Yet, I do give credit where credit is due. `Hard Times` has been brought from the pages to real life. Damned if you do and damned if you don`t.

Yes...I`m making monsters for my friends.

Actually You`re Boring

2011-10-05T06:13:00.000+09:00

Usually it is the same thing every time. The same lame ass garbage regurgitated to me as if I started teaching last week. No new ideas or `real` shop talk ever happens. Instead, I am watched all day as if I am guilty of some twisted crime. I cannot focus my mind because there is a little man holding a small title with a massive ego up in my shit all day. They tend to follow me around like some lost puppy. They psychically put their nose in my business. I am sitting at a table going over a few mental notes in my head while some jackass leans over and ask random questions meant to confuse me. This boot licking sold-out Nazi has the idea in his head that since I am a front line teacher there must be something very fucked up about the way I work. He only needs to smoke me out and he will find that I am deeply fucked up and a shit teacher. At least, that is how folks of his stripe think. Yes, I am talking about mangers in the English teaching biz.

Truth be known, most foreign managers are nothing more than a troll for the Japanese managers who actually run shit. For some reason it is standard thinking in my biz that gaijin always listen to other gaijin. A lot of the times when you go directly to the J-managers and tell them whats up, they write you off, make a decision, and have some boring ass pillow bitter threaten you until you agree with the company. Mr. Pillow Bitter is usually, but not always, some lame prick who has the backbone of Judas. This person will do several things to force you to go with the company agenda: glaring stares, outright threats,lies, dismissive attitude, correct everything you say even if you are right, twist every word you say into a negative statement against the company and their favorite tactic of writing bad reviews of you until you give in. Sound familiar?

In their own minds they are god`s gift to Japan and English teaching. They are a `special` gaijin because the Japanese corp. world has chosen them to oppress, threaten and sell out their fellow foreign workers. In their mind that makes them slightly bit better than all the other foreigners in Japan. They spend their days in a false sense of perfection due to the Japanese managers(you know, the ones who actually run shit) fill their heads with how `professional` they are and what a `great` teacher they are. They quickly become addicted to the attention and are willing to do almost anything to maintain their `special` gaijin status. All other foreign teachers are considered a threat and must be sold-out and back stabbed at the first chance. For Example, if some teacher gets more students then every effort must be made to make that teacher look made. Remember! No one can be better than the `special` gaijin.

Call me crazy?! What I just described is so normal in Japan. At the end of the day is really gets on my nerves. I don`t understand this cutthroat shit that gets in the heads of most foreign managers in Japan. It must be some kind of fucked up complex in their heads. Gaijin managers act so much like the damn police that I am willing to bet that both are suffering from the same fucking problem in their heads. Come to think of it, out of all the gaijin managers I have dealt with only one actually had a fucking personality. I am serious about this. You know how police are so damn uptight and lame that offering them a ham sandwich upsets them? Well, that is the same crap you will get out of most gaijin managers. EVERYTHING is an issue for them. You WILL do something to piss them off. Once you have pissed them off you can sit back and watch them contradict everything which comes out of their mouth. Usually, I just sit back and listen. The hard part is not busting out in schoolgirl giggles while I listen to someone try to not look like a horse`s ass.

I wonder if they actually take time to stop and think about what they are doing? If any of these jokers would get real with me they would discover that I am not their fucking enemy. I actually like talking about teaching; but only with teachers who drop their ego. They would also discover that most of the things which they are told to talk shit about actually brothers me a little as well. If they could cut the bullshit for just a few minutes they would learn that we have almost the same struggle daily at work. Yet, they lack the ability to stop puking out massive bullshit to anyone coming in contact with them. Well, they can keep their lame `special` status. I will always be the better man.

Tako Gaijin WTF!

2011-09-14T03:42:00.001+09:00

Howdy yall! I know, it has been a while since my last post. I have been busy doing other things. My life moves pretty fast at times. So fast in fact that it can be hard sometimes to sit down and write it all down. Fuck it! The Ghost has returned to writing. Actually, I have still being doing something creative. I have been making Youtube videos recently. It is easy to do and has been a hell of a lot of fun for me. I find the creative process of making videos to be damn interesting. Yall can check it out by clicking here.

So, the title of this post relates to some vile shit which has been going on in my hood for a while. Starting around spring of this year one of my neighbors decided he wanted to be a racist bastard. Over the past months I have been subject to his almost daily verbal insults and general bullshit. I have tried my best to not go ape shit crazy on this mother fucker. Last night I finally had enough.

I was coming from Paul`s bar, Vega wine bar, and sure enough that racist fuck across the street started with his shit. He puked out some hate from his mouth and I simple went off. Maybe it was the wine which inspired me but something snapped from within my being. I started shouting every profane word I knew in English and Japanese. I was damn close to breaking down that assholes door and kicking the shit out of him. Lucky for me I have a good support group of loving and caring people in my life. My buddy Akio was hanging at my house and he came outside to chill me the fuck out. My gal stuck her head out the window with a look of shock and fear on her face. Yeah, the situation was pretty fucked up.

Pretty quickly a whole gang of cops were crawling around in the hood. It has been a long time since that many pig cops had been in the hood at one time. I think the total number of cops was 12. Yeah, 12 fucking cops just to handle one pissed off foreigner! Crazy shit goes down in my hood all the time and they never send out 12 cops. I guess hearing angry English around midnight gets their attention more than normal.

The cops had Akio and me at the far end of the street while another gang of cops had my gal and that racist asshole on the street in front my house. Akio was more angry than me. He was giving those cops pure shit in Japanese. He went on a epic rant about how fucked up and lazy the local police patrol is. We must have dealt with those cops for over an hour. After all the shit talk the local patrol refuse to anything but tell me to `watch myself.` That was not going to be good enough for us at all.

We spend the rest of the night wondering around the hood getting drunk. We needed to purge ourselves of the negative energy before we took things to the next level. We yes...we took things to the next level.

After we slept off our massive hang over, we all decided to attempt to get justice though official channels. I really hate dealing with officials of any part of the system. I would prefer to just write off and avoid the system as much as I can. Although, dealing with street punks and dealing with racist neighbors are two totally different things. Considering that I not a citizen, and this is not something I can deal with on my own, off to the police station I went.

When the three of us(gal, Akio and me) arrived at Kita-Ayase police station no one wanted to deal with us. The police reacted to our request to file a complaint as if we were crazy. They all looked like a gang of deer in head lights. I am sure that it is not often that someone rolls up into the station demanding to file a complaint. It took a bit to show them that we were serious. They sent us to the third floor and we waited for about 20 minutes while the cops decided what they were going to do. Akio started knocking on doors until someone met with us. He disturbed three meetings and one shake down in order to get the cops attention. Akio really knows how to fuck with police. He might even be more anti-authority than me. Anyway...

Finally this older cop leads us into a room. He looked to be a detective of some sort. He was bald, wore a suit and had a slight twitch in his left eye. As soon as he sat down with us we started laying into him. We came at him with rapid fire questions and demands for over an hour and a half. He struggled to keep up with us. He did a lot of head nodding and note taking. After a while is actually started talking about what he was going to do. To my surprise, he claimed that he was going to visit my neighbor in the morning and tell him to chill the fuck out.

I have no idea how this will work out. In fact, I feel just a little sorry for that asshole across the street. I don`t want to see anymore have a hard time, even if they give me one daily. The bastard is still human after all. The thing is this shit needs to end. It puts unneeded stress on me. The natural stress of living in a big city is enough to deal with already; I don`t need this stupid shit from a small minded person. I am sure my neighbors are now officially scare shit less of me. That sucks but there are worse things in life then having your neighbors not like you. Besides, life is too short to worry about people who have made no effort to know me. I just want all of this crap to be over.

*If you want to watch my youtube video about this just click here.

Rumble In The Hood

2011-08-17T09:20:00.002+09:00

There are times when you really have to throw off the chains of society and simply do the right thing. You should know by now that one of the main goals of any society is to control the population, for the purpose of, allowing the slime of the earth to get away with clearly oppressive and abusive actions. Few people will do anything about this sad fact because, in the back of their minds, they also want to do the exact same things. It is a vicious cycle.

I am here to say that: This shit is going to end..one way or the other.

I live in a part of Tokyo that the city has long given up on. Adachi-ku is not the bright happy image of Tokyo plastered on travel blogs, mass media and exported to the west. Yeah, Adachi-ku is a bad part of town. A lot of folks will say that Shinjuku is so `hard core.` There is money in Shinjuku. Also the central government of Tokyo and of the entire nation is in Shinjuku. It is yet another image the rulers of Tokyo like to promote. The Yakuza make money from the image of Shinjuku and the government saves face. The J-gov. can always say, `We are cracking down on the crime center!` when ever they needs votes. The places in Tokyo which really are in need of change get swept under the rug; Adachi-ku is one of those places.

So, after living in Adachi for several years I have come to realize that no one is going to even try to help these people. They have shitty education, very low economic growth, low housing standards and a police force which would rather arrest these people than actually help them. Most of the people living here are either blue collar or working under the table. The youth have no hope of escaping the shit which surrounds them, It is going to take one ass whooping at a time to wake some folks up.

One ass whooping at a time...sounds like a good idea. It all started in early July 2011.

It was a hot day in Tokyo. So hot that the paint was peeling off the walls. Not even my fucked up neighbor across the street had the energy to shout out some cold blooded racist comments at me. Most folks were held up in their coffin sized apartments attempting to beat the heat with air conditioning raging full blast. The little side streets were mostly dead silent. Suddenly the artificial peace was broken by sounds of a fight. I stepped onto the balcony and was greeted by a good old fashion shake down. Three young thug looking guys were putting the squeeze on some scared skinny J-kid. They were smacking him around and trying to take whatever they could from him.

My blood begin to boil. Something snapped inside of me. I decided to do something.

I went down on the street and started some shit with those assholes. They saw me coming and really did not know what to do. I am sure they thought that I was just passing by. I grabbed one of them and pushed him to the ground. The other two froze like deer in headlights. I simply said,`get the fuck out of here` in English. They understood well enough and took off like scared rats.The skinny J-kid just stared at me like I was the second coming of Jesus fucking Christ. I brushed him off, got him a coca-cola and walked him to his shit apartment. He told his mother what happened. She is a single mother and damn near offered me sex as a thank you. I shrugged off her polite advances. All I wanted was that J-kid not to be fucked with.

Yall would think that those damn fuckers would have learned their lesson; but sadly they didn`t.

The next day all was well in the hood until....

I was rolling around the hood making my rounds. I try to do that about once a week. You know, just checking with all the local businesses that are cool with me and saying hello to the folks who are cool in general. When I walked out of the local tobacco shop I spotted those little bastards from the day before. They had the same vicious smiles slapped on their faces. Although I was hungry as a starved hound, I decided to keep my eye on those little shits. I found me a spot at the local McDonald`s with a cup of cheap ass coffee. I could see my little friends across the street near Gotanno station. As expected, it did not take long for them start some shit. A high school gal turned down to side street beside the station. They went right for her.
Those little bastards starting following her like rats jumping on a piece of stale cheese. I knew some shit was about to go down. I also knew that no Japanese would do anything about it.

I was the only person who was willing to do anything.

I dumped the rest of my coffee down my stomach and prepared to get raw.

I left the McDonald`s and stated to crawl toward the action. I wanted to go for a surprise attack so I was careful to avoid them seeing me. By the time I was in range, they had her cornered and were putting their hands on her.. As I come up from behind them, the gal noticed me. She gave me a look that screamed, `Please help me.` Something boiled up from deep inside of me. I smacked one of them in the back of the head. He turns around and gets in my face. The look of shock he expressed realizing it was me, again, was a pure Kodak moment. He backed off into the protection of his thugish friends. I said to them in straight English, `Get the fuck out of here assholes!` They stared at me with a ghoulish passionate hate. At that point I again spoke in straight English, `Go on. Get the fuck out of here.` They slowly walked away giving me a hard ass thugish stare down. I just smiled and said, `Baka!`

The poor gal was in tears. She had rolled herself into a ball on the street. At first she was shy towards me. I tried to ask her if she was okay but she put her hand in my face and shook her head. I was unable to say the right thing in Japanese so I had to choice but to use English. I said,`Look. I just helped you. Be cool. It is over now. I will take you home, okay?` Shockingly enough she somehow understood. The gal made it to her feet and held out her hand wanting my protection. I was not going to walk down the damn street holding a school gal`s hand. I am much too old for that shit. I told her I would buy her a coke and walk with her to her house. She accepted that. Turns out she was another of the many poor young gals who live in the local housing projects. Another youthful Adachi-ku gal who will most likely go no where in life. At least for one day she was safe.

So after dealing with those assholes for two days in a row, I wanted to relax. I decided to grab some cheap beer and chill by the river. That ended up being good for me. I took time to reflect on the recent events which had happened over the past two days. Free flowing water always clears my mind.

Yet, the peace was short lived.

As I was riding my bike down the bike ramp leading to the highway, I huge rock smacked me in the head. I went flying head first over the handle bars. My face hit the pavement at full force. My hole body went tumbling down the ramp. I did not realize what was happening until I heard the marching of boots. The first kick in the ribs snapped me out of my daze. Those three little fuckers had set me up. I did my best to get to my feet as they kicked me. Funny thing was they were not kicking me all that hard. When I got to my feet I started throwing punches like wild. It was all I could do considering that I was knocked stupid from the fall. They caught on pretty quick that the only way to get me to stop fighting would be to knock me out so after a few minutes they fled.

So there I stood...bloodied...beaten...and pissed the fuck off.

Yeah, if you do the right thing people will come at you like a pack of wild animals. In Japan it seems that standing up for those who are helpless is bad. This society has become very cold blooded. No one in my hood would do what I did because they are just too fucking spineless.

Did I get revenge....you bet I fucking did! But that is a post for another day.

A Good Man is Hard to Find

2011-07-30T04:33:00.002+09:00

If you know whats good for you, then you better know that a good man is hard to find. If you are not aware then please allow me to inform you that we live in a very dark twisted world. As America is waging war in six different nations, as international bankers are ruining the notion of nation states, as many societies find themselves in a condition of revolution or near revolution...the band plays on in Japan. No...the kids are not alright.

You know, Japan has given me many things. I can be thankful to Japan for the life I enjoy today. I can be honest, and human enough, to admit that. Will I bow down to Japan and pretend this is the greatest nation on the planet? Fuck no! Japan is no better than America. The same vile N.W.O. control grid bullshit which is so common in the U.S.A. is going on in Japan. Any fool who refuses to see and admit the truth is a fucking dumb ass. I could sit here and cite example after example of what is really going on in our modern world, but I spend enough time doing that else where on the web. Wake the fuck up and research this shit for yourself. I am not your fucking mother.

Yet...there is hope for our twisted world. And it may come from the most unlikely of places...Tokyo Japan.

As hard as it may be to believe, there are a few shining lights in the center of greed, lust and social sickness that is Tokyo. I have met one of those shining lights.

His name is Paul.

By day is works damn hard in the Japanese corp. world. He deals with the systematic outdated business models which have left Japan in a state of motionless progress for the last 20 plus years. He out performs his co-workers daily. In fact, he dances circles around them. Yet, in the evening he does something totally different. He becomes the owner and head bar tender of Vega.The bar is really nice. It has got the prefect atmosphere. Plus you can remote connect to a huge play list songs via your iphone. I had a lot of fun digging though Vega`s play list.

It is Paul and his Vega bar which offers a glimmer of hope in the dark twisted city of Tokyo. Paul treated me in a way I am not used to. He actually treated me like a human. He was very warm and welcoming to me. An actual real human. He made me feel like I belong in Tokyo. It had been so damn long since I had met someone who was real and kind that I damn near cried right there at the bar. I held it back and played it cool(I teared up a bit on the train ride home. Yes I can admit it) His general nature is so rare in Tokyo. In my experience, most folks in Tokyo are stubborn assholes who would rather spit on you than look you in the eye. I am sure Paul would never do that to anyone unless they really deserved it.

I know a few decent folks in Tokyo. They are funny and I think they at least care somewhat about other people. For the most part this hand full of folks are alright. Although they do tend to have a chip on their shoulder due to misplaced pride and ego. Hell, I have a bit of a chip on my shoulder as well. After you live in Tokyo for a few years, the shit of the city gets into your soul and fucks your head up to a certain degree. It happens to a lot of people and I have not been spared.

Yet, after meeting Paul I can see that some people are able to retain a high amount of goodness in their heart. Paul is still real and kind to his fellow humans. Such a man gives me hope. A hope that there is still a chance for humans to turn things around. Maybe...just maybe we have not completely screwed ourselves.

Working Class Hero is Something to Be

2011-07-02T07:54:00.000+09:00

From the day you are born `they` make you feel small. You know, a working class hero is something to be.
The money is enough to keep me going but hardly enough to keep me alive. The life I live is not for most. The ideas and beliefs which drive me are kicked in the dirt and considered to be wrong. That is okay because my will is still strong. When life gets too dark I think of the coal fields which created me. I saw many strong men go underground deep in the mountain, risking their lives, just to put food on the table. They knew the company was grinding them down to nothing but everyday those strong proud men went into the mountain. Slowly they died from depression and loneliness. Their women hated them because they could never bring in enough money. Despite the daily dose of emotional abuse and whiskey, these man still went into the mountain everyday. Now I realize why they did this....

Somethings are more important than money and serving the corporate machine.There are certain ideas and beliefs which every man must decide to stand by to the end. Everyday I am usually surrounded by folks who would rather kick me in the face than give me a chance. They spend their time playing political games and using everyone to achieve their agenda. They don`t care about morals or doing something bigger than themselves. When they talk to me they are usually stunned that someone could actually desire things other than money. Yeah, I want to earn a decent living but not at the cost of certain ideas. Sadly, I am a dying breed of man. I know few man who place any limits on themselves. Just soulless men and women who will smile at me, while at the same time stab me in the back. Honor and pride are in short supply. It`s all about money and fucking everyone over to get what they want. The more people know I have strong ideas of honor, the more they want to kick me down.

It beats on me daily...but still I carry on. A working class hero is something to be...

Not Evil But Darker

2011-06-19T08:04:00.001+09:00

Something has changed about me. A recent post by Loco at Loco in Yokohama got me thinking about the dark soul I have become since I first started living in Tokyo several years ago.

There is something about this city which twist the hearts of men. Tokyo is not like other cities in the world. There is a very dark force which infects the once jewel city of Asia. A certain madness grips your soul and changes you into something else...something stranger than before.

Yes...something stranger...

I used to be more friendly with folks. I used to trust most people. I would rarely think ill of folks I met for the first time. I was out going and generally happy. These days I am a different animal all together. I am keen and mean way too often. I am like a dragon breathing fire and aggressive as a Tom Cat in heat. Every fucking time I trust someone and I get fucked over big time. I do not see or experience much pure goodness. I deal with raging assholes daily. I have learned to be an even bigger asshole in order to survive.

While I have not gone pure fucking evil, I am a much darker person than I was before. While I was wild as hell in the Mountains of West Virginia, I was not like I am now. It took me a while to realize that I am stranger than before. It has been little things which has made me realize just how different I am these days.

For example:

I used to have a concern for the dull and depressing nature of the trains in Tokyo. I used to make myself smile on the train in the hope that someone would smile back. Now, I am just as much a brutal rib knocking asshole as most of the sorry fucks on the train.

When I first moved to Adachi-ku years ago, I made daily attempts to at least say hello to my down stairs neighbor in the morning. After years of those pricks treating me like I am the fucking devil, I just give them the same dirty looks they give me.

I used to really give a damn about being a `nice guy` at work. I tried to be cool with the J-staff and always liked working with a new teacher. Now, I might very well be the hardest fucker to work with in the history of foreign English teachers in Japan. I am quick to demand answers to fucked up shit and tend to treat any teacher, who have not shed blood for the company with me, like a treasonous bastard.

I used to make a decent effort to by polite to folks. These days, all too often, I will speak the raw truth any time and any where without any concern for others feelings. The more sensitive a person is the more I tend to try to piss them off on purpose at times. I used to never to do that but now I have reached the point in which such people just make me sick.

In general I have lost a lot of faith in humanity. I have seen and experienced so much shit in Tokyo that this twisted city has make me a bit more dark than I ever thought. It may get the best of me. Yet, there are times when I am guided by goodness. It is rare but it still happens. I am not evil just much darker than before.

Helping a Drunken Tokyo Fool

2011-06-17T04:48:00.005+09:00

Recently, I did a post about a drunken bastard with his face beat in for doing something fucked up at a hostess bar(according to his drunken Japanese). While I did not have much mercy for him, there are others I do feel sorry for, enough so that from time to time I help them out a bit.

Case in point was my arrival at my home station of Aoi earlier tonight. The work day had been good enough. No major problems to report other than feeling like a man on an island; which I have experienced before with the company I work for. I was feeling in a odd mood on my train ride home. My recent wave of self-awareness has heightened my understanding of just about everything around me. I am usually very self-aware but recently it has gone into overdrive. I feel myself transforming so far beyond the stomach zombies which surround me daily that I am shocked by just how much most people miss around them.

Anyway, after fighting to step off the train at Aoi station I noticed this fella sitting on a bench in what appeared to be a drunken coma. Judging from his plain cheaply produced business attire, he was not a rich man by any means. I was pulled toward him as if something had taken control of my mind and body. I was not acting on my own accord. As I woke him up it was as if I was watching the actions of someone else from a first person perspective. I said to the man in Japanese,`Hay. You okay. You live in Aoi? Stop sleeping! Last train is coming.` When I touched this man he was suddenly filled with energy and sprung back to life. I could not tell if he was speaking to me in Japanese or if I was having one of those moments when I understood Japanese so well that it seemed like he was speaking in English(remember I am not the master of Japanese by no means). He said,`Aoi is not my home. Aoi is your home?` I pointed to the train arrive sign and said,`Go home okay. Your wife is waiting.` I don`t know how I knew he was married but he agreed that his wife must be missing him. I hold him to take the next train and I left. He tried to follow me but I had gotten on the elevator before he could catch up with me.

I did not feel in full control of myself until I had gotten to street level. As two local young Adachi gals stared at me, I lit a smoke and took a deep breath. I hope that damn fool is thankful I woke his ass up.

Stiffing A Bar in Shibuya

2011-06-15T04:11:00.001+09:00

Sometimes you end up doing fucked up shit due to suddenly being caught in a fucked up situation. Now, yall should know that there will be people who get really pissed off after reading this post. What I ended up doing at a bar in Shibuya one night is considered `not cool` by most people`s standards. Hell, it is not cool by my standards! I should have kicked my own ass for doing this, but sometimes you got to do things in order to keep from getting totally fucked over. Case in point is one night in Shibuya when I choose to hang out with a Shibuya Gyaru.

These ladies known as `Shibuya Garu`are not to be trusted. Anyone keen to the street culture in Tokyo knows this to be very true. Partying with a Shibuya Gyaru is like drinking with the devil; your soul is targeted for suffering from the first hello. These unique brand of J-gals are keen and rough. Usually such a lady would be interesting to me. The problem is Gyaru`s in Shibuya is that they usually have no morals. If they think they can get away with something, you can bet your bottom dollar these ladies will try to pull it off. Yet, I fucked up and partied with some of them.

Anyway, it all started when I got a call from my buddy Akio.. He wanted to party in Shibuya all night. Akio is a good friend of mine so of course I was all game. When I met him in Shibuya, he took me to an odd live house with a huge bouncer at the door. The damn bouncer was so fucking big and mean looking that he could easily eat a man whole. We got past the bouncer and paid the 2,000 yen cover charge. The cover charge ended up being an entrance fee to see some psychedelic bands play. Fair enough I thought. Akio disappeared for about 30 minutes. When he showed up again he had three Gyaru`s with him looking to drink and be crazy. One of them started buying drinks for everyone. She kept saying, `I buy drinks. Who wants to drink?` Hell, I thought if this chick is going to buy drinks all night I will let her. What I did not know was that this chick had an underhanded plan to get drunk all night and put the bill on everyone else.

She seemed alright at the live house. She was throwing money around like water. There were four of us and she must have bought five rounds. The bar was C.O.D. as to prevent any monkey business. I like C.O.D. service actually. It keeps the bar from tossing in hidden charges. Anyway, after the bands stopped playing one of the Gyaru`s passed out from drinking too much. It must have taken over an hour to finally get her up and out of there. Once the four of us finally left the live house, things started to get weird. Akio said that the ladies wanted to go a bar and drink some more. No problem for me because I was stuck in Shibuya until the trains started running again. Again the Gyaru said, `I buy drinks lets go.` We go to one of those over priced bars in Shibuya which has a DJ playing hard rock music. Damn gal started ordering round after round and I did not have time to say no. I downed so many shots of Tequila that I am surprised that I was even able to think straight. As the night wore on it became clear that this chick was waiting for someone to show up. That person ended up being her boyfriend. I am married so no biggie for me. The problem came when everyone bailed the same time she did. She had attracted about seven people at that bar and they all bailed when she did. This left me and Akio alone at the bar and the fucking bar tap. That damn devil women left us with the fucking bill! It was her plan all along. She hooked up her `friends` up at the live house only to set up the gaijin and his buddy later so her and all her friends could drink for free. I was so pissed off I wanted to kill that chick!

I had enough money to pay for myself but not for seven goddamn people! Lucky for me, Akio is a keen motherfucker. As soon as I told him we had been set up, he started to carry out a plan to get us out of the situation. Akio simply said, `be cool. wait a minute.` So I had a smoke and tried to play it cool. After five minutes I get a text from Akio which said,`don`t talk to anyone. Come downstairs.` I went down stairs but staff noticed. I saw Akio out of the corner of my eye. He was hiding around the side of the building. Yeah, Akio was planning for us to stiff the bar and get the hell out of there. The staff came down stairs and I told them I was coming back. I needed to make a phone call. They left and I bailed. I know it was fucked up to do that but it was more fucked up that bitch tried to trick us into paying the tap for seven fucking people. No way in hell was I going to pay the tap for seven people I had just met and did not really know.

So yeah, I stiffed a bar in Shibuya once because of some fucked up Shibuya Gyaru. Lesson learned I guess.

Don`t party with fucked up people and you will not have to do fucked up things in order to save your own ass.

Beginner Learners of English: The Double Edge Sword Challenge

2011-06-14T18:11:00.003+09:00

It is no big secret that I cut my teeth as a teacher under the NOVA system. Now, back in the old days teaching by using just what NOVA tells you is a really shit way to teach but no one will call you out on it. These days things are different. There is pretty much no standards unless politics are involved. Usually they leave you alone to teach the way you want as long as the money flows and no one wants to use you for a self centered agenda. This is sad but that is the state of affairs these days. I have never actually worked for the investor group, first G.Com now who the fuck knows, of NOVA.. I have always worked for a company formally known as Seikatsu Kobo Ltd which is now known as GEOS Corp. It is a long story how this company ended up taking the name of yet another defunct English school so that is a post for another day. I just wanted to provide a little back story before getting into my own personal teaching methods.

So, one of the biggest challenges for me as a teacher has been teaching mid-level beginner students. At this level most of the students at least have a base understanding of present/past simple and have been exposed to present/past perfect. Vocab. must be expected to still be very limited. Independent production comes and goes depending on how familiar they are with the conversation topic of the lesson. They will also often confuse gender pronouns. Getting the student to improve is where the double edge sword comes into play. How to: get the students to overcome their nature cultural fear of foreigners, maintain and improve their confidence, and ensure they retain new English they learn.

Getting them over that damn Japanese fear of foreigners must happen pretty quickly. I do not brother trying to a `popular` teacher. Fuck that! Teachers who do that are just trying to protect themselves. I know how the dirty business of English education works in Japan. It does not matter how `popular` you are as a teacher. If the student numbers drop YOU will be blamed for it. It does not matter how much the students like you. If shit goes bad it is always the teacher`s fault. Instead of trying to be `popular` I just want them to respect me. To defeat that odd fear students have, I treat the student with basic human respect and demand they do the same. Once they catch on that I will not play the `popular gaijin` game, that fear goes away or they stop taking my lessons. I end up with students who actually want to try hard and become better English speakers.

Confidence is another matter all together. Lower level students make mistakes often, which is expected, and can sometimes stop trying to speak good English. There is only so much a teacher can be in order to maintain the students confidence. To be honest, there is a whole damn host of factors which effects confidence. Often it is something personal which is effecting their confidence. I am not a psychiatrist. I am a teacher. Yet, if I really want the student to get better I must find a way to keep their confidence level stable. I always start off mid-beginner students with something I know they can do. I don`t give them something new at the start of the lesson. It only confuses them and hurts their confidence. After they have been able to use the English they know, I try to do something from the last lesson. I attempt to get them to try to use some of the language form the last lesson; which gets into retention. Building on things and letting them use English they have mastered really goes a long way in maintaining confidence.

So yeah, retention. This is one of the hardest things for any type of beginner student. I have found that it is important to establish that when the student comes to class they should expect what was taught in the last lesson will come up again in the current lesson. There must be some kind of connection between one lesson to the next. Getting the students to do a little homework from time to time also helps. If there is little or no connection between lessons, no homework is ever given or done, and past lessons are not injected into further lessons the students will have a hard time retaining what they are taught.

These are just a few of things I believe should be done in order to help get beginner to mid and high beginner students to improve their English ability. All of these thing can also be applied to higher levels as well. With all of these things said, these methods get screwed up by me being forced to work at four or five damn branches a week. Nothing can be established with the students when the teacher is not at one school on a regular basis. I feel that in order to develop high quality lessons and turn a profit, it is important to stop pandering to the lowest common factor. No more `popular` teachers I say; yet that is a post for another day.

Who Kicked Your Ass Buddy?

2011-06-11T03:11:00.001+09:00

The amount of crazy shit I see in Tokyo daily is enough to fill several volumes of an epic novel. I don`t even write about half of the things I either get into directly or simply witness. Tokyo is a much rougher city than most folks will ever admit. Case in point is the gentlemen in the photo to your left.

I don`t know who did it but someone fucked this guy up. I was on my way home when I first spotted him. I had made it to Nishi-Nippori station and was waiting to transfer on the Chiyoda line. He was trying to stand up but it appeared to be a loosing battle. He was close enough to me that I was able to get a smell of him. The bastard smelled like cheap beer and blood mixed with cheese feet. Mother fucker had gotten into some really bad shit for sure. The train finally arrived a few minutes later and he disappeared into the mass hoard of sorry fucks crowding the train. I thought I would never see him again; boy was I wrong.

The Chiyoda line from Nishi-Nippori to Kita-Senju was more packed than usual. I was sure this dude most likely scared the shit out of enough weak ass J-gals and was carried away by station staff at Machiya station.Damn if I was wrong! The bastard managed to survive all the way to Kita-Senju. It was at Kita-Senju station that some of this guys story finally came out in the wash.

You can figure that I was really fucking surprised to see this beat up fucker at Kita-Senju. Right there at the TX platform he was still struggling to stand up on his own. This time he was attempting to talk on his phone. My Japanese is still limited, but damn better than it used to be, so I was only able to make out some of what he was attempting to say. It sounded like he was talking to his wife. I was able to clearly make out the following, `Sorry. I got into a fight at a hostess bar. I am bleeding.` At that point I said to myself, `Fuck this asshole!` I don`t have a lot of respect for fellas who go to hostess bars all the damn time. I understand that most of these guys are going because something is missing at home. They need a women who can make them feel like a man; at least for a little while. I get that...really I do. Yet, it would be better to work on things at home rather than give up and run to some young greedy bitch you will suck all the money they can out of some lonely guy looking for a little respect and attention.

Any god damn way, when the local train finally decided to show its slow ass, the idea popped into my head to get a picture of this sorry fucker.

My feelings about this truly sad mixed up fella is complex. On one hand my heart goes out to him. He most likely had a fucked up day at work and his wife is probably a cold blooded bitch. He went to some low down hostess bar to have some young fine ass gal cheer him up. Sadly, while at the hostess bar he must have had one too many drinks, got too friendly with one of the gals, and some Yakuza bouncier beat his face in proper. On the other hand...Fuck him! His wife will forgive him and their relationship will keep on being a joke. His company is paying for his national health insurance so he will not pay a fucking dime to have his face fixed up. 99% percent of foreign English teachers get no support from their companies to help them pay that fucking over priced nation health insurance tax. If I pulled the same shit he did my wife would divorce me and I would get stiffed with trying to pay to have my face fixed up; even after the so-called discount I get from the national health insurance tax.

*So, I am wondering what kind of stuff yall want to see me write more about in the next few posts: Teaching(all aspects of it), thoughts of the state of Japan, J-blogging community, the inner workings of my mind, or the chaos that is Tokyo. Please don`t request any lame ass `wow Japan` stuff. I gave up writing about such things a long time ago.

I am a Continental

2011-06-10T05:19:00.005+09:00

It must be odd for the native people of Japan to wrap their heads around the idea of fighting to be free. At times, I question if they really understand what liberty really means. It is only in recent modern times that Japanese were introduced to the idea of liberty. It was my own nation which attempted to place liberty into the hearts and minds of Japanese folks. It is a true foreign idea to the natives of Japan. America and Japan have had totally different histories. While the Americans were risking their lives just to be able to govern themselves and free man from the bonds which chained him, the Japanese were transitioning from the age of Samurai to the age of Empire. While Americans were working out the idea of being an independent individual, the Japanese were falling in line with Emperor worship and extreme nationalism. No wonder we tried to kill each other off during WW2.

But that was then...and this is now

Fast forward to the 21st Century

Now it is America which is the Empire. Just as Japanese nationalist dogma penetrated the minds of the people of Asia, American dogma fills the hearts and minds of most people around the world. Japanese military bases could be found in many parts of Asia. These days U.S. military bases can be found in all parts of the world. Just as citizens of the Japanese empire thought that Japan was the center of the universe, modern Americans often feel that America is the be all of end all in the world.Even as the American Empire has clearly started to crumble many Americans feel that the U.S.A. is the greatest nation in the world. This is no different than when the Japanese submitted to the Royal family of Japan up until the day Japan was defeated by the Americans. That a sick fucking turn of events. What is even sicker that that both nations are just as stubborn and ignorant as ever.

These days I find myself, as an American, knee deep in Japanese culture. I have experienced the good, bad and ugly of both cultures. I have learned that Japanese culture is about as far removed form my native land as can be. At times these people take a liking to some things from America. Yet, deep down inside their hearts are with Japan. Yeah, they have an obsession with western culture but at the end of the day they will stick to Japan. The average Japanese understands as much about America as the average American does about Japan.

You might be wondering what the hell is the fucking point of this post. Well, I have pretty much given up on Japanese ever really accepting outside ideas. I have come to terms with my status as a minority. There is nothing about it which gets under my skin. While this nation is dealing with one of the worst crisis since the post war era, the government is playing political games and fighting for power. As the common business model in Japan is clearly outdated business leaders in Japan refuse to accept new ideas and methods of running their companies. The nation faces a serious population problem yet immigration laws are tighter than ever. They still promote extreme conservatism even as the youth of Japan reject such notions. It will be Japan`s stubbornest and refusal to progress which will again bring about their down fall.

Though all of this...I am still a continental. I was rebellious in American and I am rebellious in Japan. The only way to survive is to be D.I.Y. as much as I can. If the leaders of Japan choose to ruin their nation then so be it. This twisted turn of events in history is really fucking funny. From the days of Samurai to the days of Salarymen...this nation really has not learned shit. I am here until the end. Fuck it! I will hang around just to see what happens next.

Journey to the Center of My Mind Pt. 2

2011-06-06T17:13:00.003+09:00

Howdy! Here we are again, digging around in my mind. It is a very uncomfortable place to be; as I have found. Yet, what choice to I have? It is my fucking mind after all. You see, recently I have been pushed to the edge. A lot of things have built up inside of me. I have smacked into too many brick walls which has caused me to explode with an anger which worries me. I did not realize I was filled with such an anger. While I still refuse to engage in a vision quest, I do need to figure out what is going on inside of my mind. So, lets explore shall we?

I remember something my daddy told me once. He said, `Boy. A job is not a job, it is an opportunity.` My father died from a drug O.D. several years ago but his words were burned into my mind. My father was a scum bag but at least he worked damn hard. With that said, I have noticed a very disturbing trend. The harder I work the harder I get fucked in the ass by sub par pricks who advanced in their careers by playing politics instead by good old fashioned hard work. I really have a strong distaste for politics at work.

Here is an example:

I was working at one of the numerous branches. The company likes to spread me so thin that I hardly remember the names of the students; but that is another matter all together. For a long time I have been writing my own lessons because the textbook really is shit to me at this point. `Official` company policy is that all lessons must be taught from that damn book. I cover my ass by always telling a student to refer to one of the lessons from the book. The lesson had gone down pretty good and the student enjoyed the lesson well enough. There was a mid-level Japanese manager at the branch that day. I know this bitch very well. She has a habit of stealing everyone`s thunder and taking credit for everything she can. She is a social climber and a real snake in the grass. Student tells her that he enjoyed the lesson. This bitch sits there and goes on and on about how `valuable` the text book is. Remember, she saw me pull my own lesson from my bag and print out copies. She knew that I had used my own material and did not use the book. Yet, she totally discredited everything I had just done. Instead, she steals all my hard work and gives credit to `the system.` A system I did not use and had nothing to do with the lesson I created and used for the lesson. When the student leaves, this bitch smiles at me with a shit eating grin as to say, `I fucked you again gaijin. I will never give you credit for anything.`

It is this kind of shit which is starting to have a very negative effect on my mind.

I am not the best teacher in the world. There are a lot of things I still need to learn even after several years of being a teacher. WTF? At least give credit where credit is due. All the backstabbing underhanded shit is really starting to boil my blood and filling me a deep hatred for humanity. This is not good for my mental or spiritual well being. I could quit but I got to think about taking care of my gal. I do look around the job market a lot Most of the gigs out there right now are set up in a way to kill off all creativity and reduce the teacher to nothing more than a gaijin puppet to be used as a cash cow profit making machine. At least the company I am working for now will let me have some sort of creative control and pays we decently well. They are just so damn stubborn to give a foreigner credit for anything. It is like the Japanese management have some sort of block in their brain. They cannot admit the hard work of any foreigner. This is not unique to Japan. The same thing happens in America. If you are a foreigner in America a lot of people will take advantage of you. Japan is just a bit more out in the open about it.

All I want is credit for my hard work. Being discredited for my hard work is really twisting my head up big time. Tokyo is a rough ass city. The daily stress of living in the city can be enough to drive someone to madness. While I have adjusted to the rough and tumble Tokyo lifestyle, the whole idea of keeping me under a boot in order to advance other people`s political agenda at work is creating a lot of hate in my heart. I see too much of the bad side of humanity. Too many lairs and sold-out blood thirsty fuckers come at me looking to suck me dry all the damn time. Everyone wants something from me. Well, I want something too. A little damn respect would be nice. At least stop fucking with me. I don`t want all this hate in my heart. I am only human. I am left with the option to attempt to take it all on the chin. The people who run my company are fucked up. I must learn to accept this or else I will go crazy.

Journey to the Center of My Mind

2011-06-03T09:51:00.011+09:00

Here we are again yall. Another muse from the gaijin ghost of Tokyo. I have been real intense the past two months. At times I have been a real asshole. As usual, I have been fighting to survive. It has been like this all my life. It is just the way it is I guess. Yet, I have long since abandoned my own personal vision quest. Most folks spend their entire lives on a vision quest. Living their lives in tunnel vision. It is a wonderful way to live actually. Ya don`t have to be bothered with the concerns of what is happening around ya. The world could turn to shit and you would never know it. I stopped my vision quest at the age of 24.

At the tender age of 24 I decided who I was and what I was all about. I decided that my only choice was to fight for my own survival. I had been raised damn poor. I had struggled to make it as far as college. I felt that I was lucky to be alive. I realized that I will always be held underwater. It is Ryan Vs. The World. So, here I am now living in Japan. The struggles carries on it seems.

While I deeply love Tokyo, I still find myself at odds with the world at large. I don`t fit in, even among fellow gaijin. I don`t admit this very often but I often feel awkward when attending large parties with co-workers or drinking at a crowded bar. In the back of my mind this little voice says, `Fuck these people. They don`t really care about you and would most likely sell you out in a heart beat.` I try real hard to resist the emotions which are sparked inside of me when I hear that little voice speak to me. It is kind of like going against my gut feeling and submitting to logic. Yet, damn near every time I allow pure logic to rule over my judgment, I end up saying something I shouldn`t or someone takes advantage of me. As long as I stay on my guard everything is mostly okay. As soon as I cast off my natural keenness and gut reactions something get out of wrack.. This is not to say that people cannot make my heart bleed from time to time.

This is where things get complex. You see I know that most folks are little fucking snakes in the grass. There are a hell of a lot of people who will take advantage of me and step on me for their own gain. This raw fact of humanity makes it very hard to know when to bring the iron fist or the soft hand. Recently I have been using only the iron fist. I usually do that when I feel powerless or under an extended amount of high stress. Asshole Ryan is a very hard person to deal with. Even when people are trying to help me I will not trust them if I feel I am in a oppressive situation. Put me in a corner and I will come out fighting with all guns blazing. Everyone becomes a target and no one is spared my rage. It is shitty of me to be like that but too many years of having to fight to survive causes me to adopt this mindset. On the other hand it is hard for me to resist a person who is showing weakness. If I cannot see someone in situations which they need to make a moral judgment, their crying, grace, smiles or general down to earth attitude can confuse me and cause me to let my guard down. Unless I got some background or reference as a base, extremely friendly people concern me.

Still, I find myself having a deep sense of sympathy for my fellow humans. We are just rats running around in a grid controlled by truly vile pieces of shit. Those really running the show are far darker and twisted than anything us slaves could work up the balls to hold up as some kind of sick moral fiber. In the middle of defending myself from the rest of the rats and slave masters, I somehow still have a strong sense of love, honor and manhood firmly ingrained into my head.

Yeah, taking a journey into the center of my mind is not easy for me. There is some major screws loose along with several demons which need to be dealt with.

Tainted By the Wickedness

2011-06-02T01:42:00.004+09:00

I have lived in Tokyo for several years. It has been a fun ride mostly. Overall, I have enjoyed taking advantage of all that Tokyo has to offer. I could never discover such adventure and excitement in my beloved mountain home of West Virginia. Yet, in WV or Tokyo I am still Ryan. My brain works and same way as it did back in the mountains. I still view the world around me in a way which most people cannot wrap their heads around. It is not entirely their fault. Most people have been conditioned to function in a dream like state. They are only half awake most of the time. In my life experience I have noticed that most people do not mature past the age of sixteen. Most folks rely on the same childish shithead methods of getting what they want as they did when they were a fucking teenager. I thought this kind of thing was almost exclusive to the good old U.S.A. I thought that only in America could the population be turned into a mass hoard of Nazi Zombies more than willing to support anything which pleasures the sickest parts of their ego. Damn was I wrong big time.

Before anyone labels this post some kind of `Anti-Japan` rant, let me be clear and say that I am simply stating the truth. Truth is a reality which is not flexible. Screw all these snakes out there who say that `reality is what you make it.` That is bullshit. The truth is that Tokyo is infested by blood thirsty hoards of zombies just waiting to take a bite out of you. Selling each other out is the norm here not the exception. Think of all the underhanded backstabbing crap which would get someone`s ass beat into the dirt among upstanding company and that would be the behavior of the average person in Tokyo. There are some people who are open, friendly, decently honest and will not use you. It is rare but they are out there. Yet, for the most part the average person living in Tokyo are spineless and will sell each other out for VERY little reason.

It pains me to say such things but the truth is the truth. I am losing my faith in most folks who live in Tokyo; both Japanese and foreigners. With that said, I don`t hate living in Tokyo. This city has given me a lot. It has provided me with a life I could not have other wise. Although, being surrounded by the walking dead daily makes it hard to keep love in my heart. I think I am becoming tainted by the wickedness which all too often fuels Tokyo. I don`t want to become like the zombies I see and deal with daily. Everyday I feel the urge to be just as fucked up as the hoard of Nazi Zombies who take chunks out of me at random.

To resist being totally tainted I speak the truth to people. When I know someone is full of shit or telling me a lie, I call them on it quickly. Far too often I have said to folks, `You are telling a lie to me` or `Speak directly to me and remember I know what you are trying to do.` Even when I do that a lot of folks still try to pull shit on me. It is amazing. I think this progression of my mindset will be interesting. I must watch myself a bit closer and catch myself slipping into a twisted mindset. I will keep all of you posted on this for sure.

Damned If You Do; Damned If You Don`t

2011-05-12T05:00:00.001+09:00

I think there comes a point in which most half-way decent English teachers in Japan say to themselves, `Fuck! If I work hard I get fucked over. If I am a lazy bastard I get fucked over. The union is a joke and management will not listen to me at all. What is the point of trying anymore.` I have seen this happen to several teachers. They simply give up and only keep coming to work everyday because there is money to be made. This is a sad situation, but one I see far too often. I still wonder, What causes this situation?

The finger of blame could be pointed at many suspects. Are foreign management to blame? It is true that often, but with some exception of course, foreign management attacks other teachers for their own self-centered agenda. They are usually an aggressive bunch carrying a cold blooded nature about them in general. It is common for them to only care about protecting their own position. Dealing with such management could easily make many teachers give up all hope. I have seen some brutal shit come from foreign management. Let me be clear, I have also seen some damn good, honest and fair foreign managers who really tried to improve lesson quality. Yet, this is rare and not the norm.

Can we put the burden of blame on Japanese management? The `end game` purpose of Japanese management is to turn a profit. They should have little care for lesson quality or the welfare of the teachers. It is not their concern. They usually prefer to spend their time crunching numbers and battling it out for position. The amount of arrogance and unfounded pride which flows form them will make any dedicated teacher sick to their very soul. Most Japanese management will make it very clear to you, by way of their dismissive attitude, that they don`t care about you. You, the teacher, seen to be a necessary evil to them. You are not human in their eyes. Rather you are more of a product to be used for the purpose of turning a profit. Dealing with such folks could easily make any hardworking teacher not give a fuck about their job or the duty they have to the students.

Yet, can we also point the finger at the teachers themselves? A lack of a backbone perhaps? You must be a strong person to live and teach English in Japan. Remember you are a gaijin which makes you a minority. A stranger in a strange land. No one really invited you here. Trust me, it has taken me a long time to accept that fact. To really be an elite teacher you must develop a deep passion for teaching. You have to love this shit! Not only must you love it, but you must also say this fact out loud in public from time to time. You must be willing to love you fellow brothers and sister who try hard to be a good teacher and dismiss the ones you are a sack of dog shit. Those who at least try to be a good teacher deserve a little respect. When they need advice or help working out a lesson, for fucks sake offer a little guidance and leadership. This whole idea of being a self-centered little shithead really does not help anything. It actually hurts everyone in the long run. If you think no one notices your `fuck you because I think I am hot shit` attitude then you are mistaken. If you really are a good teacher then spread the goodness to others who are also trying hard. Be the leader that is needed when foreign management waste their time playing politics and attacking anyone in kicking distance.

So who is to blame for the sad situation which often occurs with English teachers in Japan? I think that overall it is a combo of everything I mentioned in this post. Our profession in Japan is in a very sad state. We should be ashamed of ourselves. Greed, laziness and protectionism has created a fucked up situation. You know who suffers the most? It is the students who take the majority of the pain of our own shortcomings. I must end this post by saying, if you cannot handle what I just wrote then get the fuck out of the English teacher biz in Japan! Reality is a motherfucker.

The Time I Almost Died in a Fight

2011-05-11T02:40:00.002+09:00

Everyone loves to hear about a fight. There is something about raw violence which attracts just about anyone. So inspired by Chris who writes Confessions of a bad boy in Japan I thought I would share a fight story with yall.

It is important to note that fighting is a way of life in West Virginia. Back in the mountains, getting into a fight was nothing out of the norm. This tale happened around 2005. Like all good fight stories it involves drinking, attitudes and fucked up people.

The evening started out pretty mundane. I was at my place just chilling out. A buddy of mine, Jon, called me up wanting to hang and have a few beers. I had nothing better to do so I got in my car and headed over to his house. He had a pretty big house and always plenty of beer. He was a cool dude so I was all about wanting to hangout for a while. He lived in Princeton which is a fucked up town full of drug addicts and street slime. The kind of town where folks will knife you over a few pills. I was so used to the damn area that I did not give a fuck. Jon was cool and I wanted to chat and get drunk. I really was not concerned about some street slime making trouble; damn was I wrong.

As soon as I showed up at Jon house we started drinking. He must have had at least three cases of beer on hand. Beer is damn cheap in America which was good for us because we were poor hillbillies. I think we were drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon and Miller Ice. Wait a minute...Yes! It must have been PBR because that is the one beer which will attract gutter slime every single time. I don`t know what it is about PBR that brews such madness and attracts the shit of the earth. Maybe it is the fact that when I lived in the states 30 cans of PBR was only 13.00 bucks. It is a fun beer as well. It is granddad`s beer. Granddad always gets a good PBR buzz and tells ya war stories about fighting Nazis. Well, in my case I drink PBR and tell ya about drinking PBR and almost dying.

Any damn way, we were getting drunk and having a good conversation about libertarianism. Jon was a hard nosed working class rebel like myself but he was smart as well. We washed dishes together at a local restaurant. I was finishing up college, he was trying to survive along with a gang of other misfits living in his house. Regardless, we were enjoying the cheap PBR and the conversation very much. Unexpectedly he received a phone call from someone he clearly had a shaky relationship with. After a lot of swearing and threats of violence, Jon hangs up the phone and lets me know that,`Some good weed is on the way.` Only a fool passes up good weed so he had my interest. At that point I should have known that shit was about to turn sour. I was a bit too drunk to listen to my natural instincts.

About a half hour later I hear someone banging on the front door and yelling, `Jon! Open the fucking door! Jon! You bastard! You know I was coming! Why is the fucking door locked!` With such a greeting, gutter slime from the street had found its way to Jon`s front door. This was the same person who Jon had had a not so pleasant phone conversation with earlier. Jon opened the door and the guy barged into the house while talking pure shit the entire time. I laid eyes on a skinny red head guy who was so pale it looked like he had been on a four day coke binge. He wore clothes that were slightly dirty, but at least he did not smell bad. He took one look at me and said,`You the fuck are you? Are you a cop?` The only thing I could say back to this dickhead was, `No I`m not a cop. But you look like you need a drink.` I gave him a can of PBR which seem to chill him out a bit. He dragged Jon into a back room apparently to do a dope deal. I don`t know what happened in those ten minutes they were alone in that back room but something went wrong...really really wrong.

I heard a large crash and thump followed by swearing. I walked into the back room to find the two of them attempting to kick each other`s asses. There were throwing punches, falling down, trying to kick each other as they got up and then throw some more punches. I was just drunk enough to find the scene funny. I stepped back and let them go. It was like watching a fucked up street brawl between two people who should not be fighting anyone for any reason. Jon was drunk and the red head fucker was too skinny to put up a decent fight. Yet, they seemed determined to fuck each other up over something I am still not clear about to this very day.

After a while they started to run out of juice. They backed away from each other, breathing heavily, and giving each other the evil eye. A few `fuck you` were exchanged as the red head fucker lit up a joint and passed it to me. I took a few drags and handed it to Jon. The fight seem to be coming to an end until Jon took a long drag off the joint and said something to the effect of,`You always act this way when I have company. You have to disrespect me and embarrass me in front of my friends. You asshole!` Jon walked out of the room with the joint. His words and actions were just enough to spur chaos. The red head fucker pulled out a knife and started making threats to Jon. That bastard was waving his knife around daring anyone to do something about it. I had finally had enough of that piece of street slime. I walked right up to him, gave him a leg sweep, and a punch directly in the jaw. We went down headed for the floor as I wanted to get him down and beat the shit out of him...things did not go as planned.

He fell all the way to the floor. Unfortunately, my head meet the end of an exposed heating knob on an old steam heater. The details of what happened after that are fuzzy. When I regained control of my brain I remember there being a pool of blood on the floor, blood on the walls, blood on me and blood on the red head fucker. I was also laying into the bastard and saying random evil things. The bastard was screaming,`Jon! Get this crazy motherfucker off me!` From what I can remember, Jon pulled me off and the red head fuck started making more threats. After that I blackouted from blood lose. I remember some kind of argument occurred as I staggered out of Jon`s house. Somehow I actually drove back to Athens.

I ended up knocking on the door of my close friend Josh. He was the only person I knew who would help me. I should have went to the hospital but I was poor and did not want to have to pay for an overpriced stitch up. I seem to remember blacking out again when Josh answered his door. None the less good old Josh came though. He took me to my apartment and called one of our good buddies to help. They discovered that I was cut all the way to my skull. Josh cleaned the gash with rubbing alcohol and used super glue to close it up. For good measure he put several band aids over it which I replaced every day. It took several months for the gash to heal. I learned an important lesson. Never fight drunk with crazy gutter slime.

Rebellion is a Love Affair

2011-05-09T00:28:00.001+09:00

Rebellion has been apart of my life since I was old enough to understand that breaking the rules and making trouble is really fun. Even when I knew that society would shun me and my life would be difficult, I have often choose to say `fuck it` and buck the system. There is this fire in me that drives me to look at society and think `what a bunch of bullshit.` I need life to be a little edgy and dangerous. I feel comfortable when there is a lack of rules and authority. It feels damn good when I can do what ever the fuck I want to do. When my actions are not controlled and being a little odd is normal; I am happy as a pig in shit. Case in point is a recent adventure I made to Earthdom in Shin-Okubo.

To tell the truth, I make it out to a few lives shows every month. I don`t really announce these adventures often and I damn sure don`t blog about them so much. It is just something I kind of do. It is my little world I go to in order to get the fuck away from all the shit of conformity I put up with daily. You would not believe the amount of stomach zombie pricks I put up with just to earn some cash and survive in our twisted world. Truly soulless fucks who deserve nothing more than a punch in the mouth for being such a little worm. I really wanna go ape shit crazy on some of those little imps at times. I usually hold back because I want the cash and do not want to deal with their sorry asses anymore than I have to. I am sure that the only way to really get some of them to back off would be to kill them. It just makes since to give them a dirty look, speak my peace, and move on to something more interesting. That `something` more interesting is going to a underground live house, seeing some kick ass bands and hanging with people who have a love affair with rebellion.

So yeah, the Earthdom is a joint I discovered a few years back. I have seen a lot of kick ass bands at this place over the years. Tiger Army, Balzac, and Hat Trickers are the best bands I have seen play at Earthdom. They got pretty good equipment so the music usually sounds great. Yet, it more than just the music which keeps pulling me back to the hell hole which is Earthdom; it is the people. The place kinds of creates an environment where you can be yourself. There are no poser sold-out pricks to fuck things up. A lot of the folks are younger, like late teens to mid-twenties who Japanese society tossed into the FAIL bin before most of them even got a chance to shine. They just wanna hang out, get a little drunk and listen to killer bands play. Fights never happen and folks are damn friendly and forward. The kind of folks you meet at Earthdom are not your run of the mill Japanese. It is rebellion in it`s most raw form. Forget everything you think you know about Japan when hanging out at this place. As an added bonus they let you bring in your own booze!

Going to a place like Earthdom, and seeing kick ass bands and hanging with people who don`t give a fuck about all the bullshit in society, reminds me that all the shit I deal with is just that SHIT. Rebellious people who sometimes make trouble and burn the world for no reason, are more alive than any dickhead who is so proud of their job and position. Those of us who are willing to say `fuck this shit` and mean it live a life of higher value than any of these so-called well functioning members of society. Being able to express yourself freely and being loud, rude and sometimes even doing things which are slightly dangerous is better than always playing by the rules and kissing ass. Yeah, rebellion is a love affair.

Lesson Planning Time: The Great Debate

2011-05-06T09:20:00.001+09:00

I have met a lot of foreigner English teachers during my time in Japan so far. I guess it is only nature because I work in the same field. While it is true that there are a lot of shitty English teachers in Japan, there are also some who are really good. It is hard for me to judge myself so I usually rank myself above average. I feel there is still a lot I need to learn before I can call myself an elite teacher. I still want to go though a TESOL or CELTA course to get the experience of formal, and effective, training. Most of what I have learned has come from actual teaching experience and shop talk with teachers I consider to be really good at teaching. Yet, there is one thing which I have spent endless hours talking about with some damn good teachers; lesson planning time.

It is a must to have enough lesson planning time. It frustrates me to no end when I am not given enough time to plan a decent lesson. I hate having to rely on just the textbook to teach a lesson. Actually, I prefer to use a textbook as only a guide when planning a lesson. Too many companies expect a teacher to beat the hell out of lessons from one textbook for several years. A lot of companies also will not offer any new material for the teacher to work with. Combined that with the fact that lesson planning is often reduced to 10 to 15 minutes, and any teacher who gives a damn will soon find themselves beating their head against the wall until they are left with a bloody stump for a brain.

I usually end up trying to write up lessons at home. I want to give students damn good useful lessons so I do all the leg work myself when I have the time. It usually takes me two hours to write up a decent lesson. I do it all when it comes to writing my own lesson. From topic, language to be taught, and activities it can take a while to put the whole thing together. This would not be such a big problem if it was not for the arrogance I run into from management. Usually foreigner management understand how damn hard I am trying and gives me little shit for writing my own lessons. Most of them encourage me to give it my all. Yet, the J-management can be the biggest gang of assholes when it comes to teachers who try to move beyond doing everything straight from the textbook. Let me be clear, this is not a anti-Japan rant. I am simply speaking from experience.

I have been mocked and laughed at by a lot of J-management when it comes to creating my own lessons. I don`t understand this at all. It is like they `be damned` if a teacher can go beyond the piss poor training they think is the end all of end all to shape a good teacher. Foreign trainers really do try hard but in many cases their hands are tied. They have to reduce training to nothing more than evaluations and little in the way of improving a teacher`s ability actually occurs. Try to talk to J-management about it and its like talking to a fucking brick wall. They just don`t listen to anything which comes out of a teachers mouth. I mean god damn what is it? Fucking pride! I am not in the habit of kissing someone`s ass just to get them to take me seriously. It is clear that I try damn hard to up my game as a teacher and if someone wants to laugh off my efforts then I consider that very sad indeed.

Apart from dealing with a damn brick wall attitude I still want to find a way to have more time for lesson planning. Usually, I work on lessons when I have nothing better to do but that needs to change. I am currently putting myself on a more strict life discipline plan and scheduling certain times to create lessons is going to be factored into this. I want to at least have three times a week in which I sit down for several hours and work on lessons. I know I will have to do this at home because the company I currently work for is not going to give me, or pay me, to be at work and create lessons instead of teaching. Well, I am not making my own lessons for the company. I am doing it for myself and the students. I believe that students deserve more than getting the same old tired lessons over and over again from a textbook which is way past it`s prime.

So what do yall think? How much time should a teacher need every week to plan lessons? I want to hear a lot of opinions so spread this post around to other teachers you know of who actually give a damn about quality.

So Drunk I Cannot Remember...This Shit Needs to Come to an End

2011-05-05T07:50:00.002+09:00

Getting drunk is fun. I will never say that it is not. I have had plenty of good times, and a few bad times, getting wasted. I have endless tales of my drunken adventures I could share, if only I could remember exactly what happened. Yep, I tend to get so drunk that I have trouble remembering exactly what happened. It is a problem that needs to be dealt with. You see, I know a lot of people who get hammered on a regular basis. They will never admit it. Instead I am sure they would rather point the finger at me then face up to their own problem. It is damn easy to be a crazed drunker in Japan and get away with it. Heavy drinking is part of the culture. People get shit faced daily here. I am not the best person to give advice on drinking. I have drank myself stupid so many times that I cannot say to anyone, `You need to slow down.`

Lucky for me, I do not drink everyday. I don`t have that kind of issue with drinking. I do know a few folks you do drink everyday. That is their business and fine by me. What I am tired of doing is getting so damn drunk that I cannot remember most of what happened. I am usually able to remember everything until the point in which I either blackout or start to feel like I want to puke. After that point everything becomes fuzzy. I am simply tired of doing it. It guess binge drinking is a way to deal with the daily stress of living a very large urban area. The isolation can take its toll on me at times. I keep a lot of shit pinned up inside of me and it finally comes out though drinking or when something finally happens that pushes me over the edge. I am sure that the damn binge drinking is not a good way to deal with a mass amount of stress which has been bottled up for a while. I only end up drunk as a skunk and unable to function. Yeah, the stress gets released but I am doing more damage then good. So, I have two options: stop drinking all together or teach myself how to be a social drinker. Both sound like pretty good options to me so I have no problem making alcohol a much smaller part of my life.

It is all part of a larger process I am going though. There are things I desire to change about my life. Not putting up with people`s shit is one them and I am getting that handled currently. One of the other big things is binge drinking. It may be a normal thing here in Japan but I cannot do it anymore. It is not fun anymore. It fucks up my body and makes me a hard person to deal with. There are plenty of other things I could spend my money on than getting trashed. I am lucky I don`t do it everyday or I might be dead by now. At least once a week I have been getting shit faced beyond any acceptable level. It is going to end. I know it will make me a lot more healthy. It will also let me get inside my head easier. I would rather drink a nice cup or bottle of tea to relax than get drunk to the point of no return.

You Don`t Dismiss me...I Dismiss YOU!

2011-05-04T22:44:00.001+09:00

You know, dealing with other`s shit is a daily struggle which everyone tries not to explode over. Usually I bite my tongue and try not to say something which will only make things worse. I don`t know if it is just my damn twisted luck, but I seem to deal with a lot of stomach zombies. I try not to say so much to these folks because I know they lack the ability to think for themselves. The best they can do is repeat what the news and authority tells them while being a little smart ass prick. It is these kind of folks who seem to fill my life with such mindless stupidity way too often.

Let me give yall a classic case example.

So, I was drinking with a guy I know recently. I have known him for a while. I like him pretty well and have hung out with him a lot. He is an alright guy to hang out with most of the time. I know from spending enough time with him that he has spent his life being fed lies and a heavy dose of brainwashing from society at large. I don`t blame him for that because most people have been though the same process and fail to break out of the cycle. Although from spending enough time with me, he should know by now that such shit does not work on me. I don`t buy into it at all. I have a free mind. I fill my head with things other than porn, sex, social dogma and lies from the powers that be. Yet, it is clear he either cannot or will not accept some basic truths about me and how I see the world.

After buying a beer and some fries, which I share, he feels it is time to get up in my shit about something. Before I go any further, the thing that really gets me is that a lot of people feel they can get up in my shit but I cannot fire back at them. Too many fucking people feel they have some kind of right to fuck with me about anything they choose. It really pisses me off! Anyway, he felt the need to give me shit because from day one of the Fukushima nuclear power plant disaster I said it is melting down. I said that on facebook and to several other people. A nuclear meltdown is something which is scary and not pleasant. It is something I never wish to see happen in any nation for any reason. Given the history of TEPCO and the Japanese government as soon as I got news about Fukushima I knew that fucker was going to experience a meltdown. The J-gov fucks up anything it touches due to greed and laziness. Sadly, it turned out that I was 100% correct. He just cannot wrap such things around his head and will believe all the lies fed to him until the day he dies.

It was fine by me for him to give me shit for saying something which turned out to be true but he had to take it a step further. He dismissed me! Yes, he had to do the one thing that is unforgivable in my mind. NO ONE DISMISSES ME! When I defended my actions he said, `Whatever. You are being combative.` Motherfucker waved his hand at me and walked off! Fuck him! Really! This is how a lot of people deal with being stood up to. They become dismissive. Well fuck all that! I don`t need such people in my life. I don`t need that childish shit in my life. So in the next few weeks I am going to dismiss a lot of fucking people from my life. I don`t need this shit anymore. I have little choice at this point but to cut out a lot of people from my life who think they have some kind of power over me. It is better to just do my own thing and avoid people who I know are a lost cause.

I cannot waste my time with stomach zombies. If someone cannot deal with my direct and no bullshit way of looking at the world. If harsh realities are too much for other`s to deal with then that is not my problem. I laugh, smile and have a lot of love in my heart but I still refuse to live my life in a fucking daze. I will always search for the truth and have no faith in governments which have proven to be trustworthy as a hungry snake. If that is too much for someone...well then fuck `em!

The Connotative Value of `Fuck It!`

2011-05-03T09:36:00.001+09:00

There are few greater joys in life than experiencing the the pure essence of `Fuck It.` The phrase seems to carry nothing more than a superficial steam release when hearing it in passing. Yet, it carries much more meaning when one considers the connotative value of the phrase.

It is easy enough to connect `Screw it` with `Fuck It` but those two phrases carry different values. When a person says Screw it, they imply that the situation is hopeless. There is really nothing left to say or do after stating Screw it. You might as well cut your losses and move on. When saying Screw it, it ends all debate and there can be no positive outcome. People are left standing beside themselves struggling to come to terms with the fact you have `walked away` from the situation suddenly. While `Screw it` breaks off all conversation on any given issue or topic, `Fuck it` takes things to a totally new level.

`Fuck It` implies that you have decided there is really only one option. The only thing that can be done is to serve up the harshest reaction to any given situation. This useful expression makes it very clear your intentions as to how you are going to resolve the situation. Your way is the only solution that really matters. It is as much of a warning as it is a statement of self-determination. Look out! A fury of pure raw take no prisoners attitude is about to be added to the mix. Fuck it! Shit is about to get real up in this motherfucker!

The Plan is Simple...Kick Ass!

2011-04-29T01:04:00.001+09:00

The picture you see to your left was taken a few years ago in Yoyogi-park. I was fresh off the boat back then. A raw untamed southern bastard from West Virginia. I was barbaric and unfit for the Japanese public. Many thought it was a very bad idea to unleash me upon the masses in Tokyo. Yet, here I am all those years later. To tell you the truth, this city has kind of fucked my head up.

The kind of mind fuck this dirty city I call home has done to me is not entirely it`s fault. I am to blame just as much as Tokyo is for the state I have allowed myself to sink into. The god of chaos has never left me but that asshole has left me high and dry on one thing which he used to always shield me from: conformity.

Oh yeah gang! Yall would think that conformity would have little or no effect on me but sadly is has found a way to fuck my head up a bit. You see gang, I have been doing my best to pull a fast one on conformity in order to maintain a solid day job and a decent paycheck. This little game I have been playing has had the unexpected side effect of creating a duality in my mind and turning my body to shit. It can happen to the best of us and it happened to me.

I realized this a few months ago and have been in a process of purging myself of the conformity bull shit from my mind and body. A sense of new found liberty if you will. Conformity makes you give a rats ass about things which are totally shit. The idea that I should really worry about what other think of me and how that is going to effect my own happiness is fucked up! There are so many damn snakes in Tokyo that the best thing to do is ID them real quick and dismiss their ass just as fast. I really did give it my best try. Wearing the `nice guy badge` turned out to be not worth the effort. I got sucked into that shit by lust of money and the weight of Japanese corporate culture. Everyone has got to make money but all the ass kissing and political games is a waste of time in my mind. Sadly, there are so many little snakes in the grass that have been forced into a position to write off and dismiss a lot of people. I don`t like being like that but that is the way it has got to be.

Any fucking way, the next step looks to be getting under way soon. I have got to get my body back close to prime condition. I joined a gym and starting from May I am hitting the weights. I have already started to curb eating all the crap food that is so easy to grab in this city. The lifestyle here kind of pushes people to eat shit food. The world of serving the all mighty corporate grid will have a person running around like a chicken with it`s head cut off. I find myself in a hurry to go someplace I don`t want to be at way too often. That `always on the go` lifestyle equals eating grab and go shit food daily. Combine that with all the drinking and smoking and your body turns to garbage pretty quick.

I have tried to quit smoking several times and it always ended in failure. Seeing that smoking is a ball and chain I will have to carry around for a while, the best thing I can do is control it.Ten smokes a day seems like a decent level for now. I am pretty damn sure I an make that a regular level in about two weeks time. I have seen hardcore smokers toss the shit away cold turkey so I can at least put myself on a beggars ration of ten a day.

However, drinking is the weak point. Almost all of my fondest chaotic moments in my life have started and ended with alcohol. I know that is not something most people would be proud of but at least I am honest. I could write an entire book about my tales of alcohol fuel chaos and I am sure it would be a best selling; or at least hit the top 200 NYT best sellers list. Yet there has always been a line with me and alcohol that I only crossed a few times. Drinking should add to the glorious devilish fun not be the fun. As any bad ass hellbilly greaser should know, booze is your buddy not your lover. I can honestly admit that I have only used booze as a shoulder to cry on less than most of the crazed manics you will run into daily. Every time I have realized that I was using alcohol as a substitute for a lover or even emotional support I tossed the stuff in the garbage for a while. With that said, I still have to be careful about the effects of hard drinking. Drinking too much will cause weight gain. The kind of weight gain which is hard to burn off. I see so many beer bellied Japanese guys in Tokyo that is has scared me a bit. I don`t want to end up looking like that.

So the process of rebuilding my body is on. It really is time to kick some ass.

The Shape of Things to Come

2011-04-14T02:02:00.001+09:00

Howdy yall. Here I am again writing late at night. I feel to need to do another one of these late night writing purges. You see gang during all the earthquakes and nuclear fallout fears something far more darker is creeping my way. Truth be told, there are few things I actually fear. Yet, my deepest fear looks to be headed my way in a raw and unforgiving manner.

There are many things you can take from a man and not break him. Although, if the one thing which gives him purpose and reason for living is removed from his life he will be broken. The one thing which gives me purpose seems to be slipping away from me. I hate to admit this but I am struggling to come up with a way to keep what is so dear to my heart. My entire adult life has been focused on only one person. All I know is this one person. When I get right down to it she is my life. I know that matters of the heart is something which turns a lot of people off. There is so much pain in our post-modern world that it can be hard for others to have mercy for those whose lives are being crushed. Yet, I fear this is what is happening to me.

This might very well be the first time I have written so openly about this topic. I tend to shy away form this kind of thing when writing but this blog is an expression of my life for better or worse. It really looks like the love of my life is leaving me. It is hard to put into words how I am feeling at this moment. She really is all I know to be true and good in this dark twisted world. Things are on the verge of ending in explosive fashion. Looks as if I will lose everything this time. The hardest thing to give up is this long deep bond I have with another human being. I am 31 now so that means I have been with this gal for 12 years. As the reality of her disappearing sets in I feel something eating away at me. It started in the pit of my stomach and has been spreading throughout my body. It has made it to the tips of my fingers and has begun clouding my mind with a blanket of darkness. I have never felt this way before. I don`t know what this is exactly. I can only describe it as a kind of death. A part of me is dying and I can feel it.

The effects are very unexpected to say the least. There is this disconnection I am feeling towards other people. I cannot feel the warmth and presence of others like I used to in the past. They are like balls of clay to me. This is not a pleasant experience. I find myself crossing the street without even looking. I have developed a total lack of concern for things around me. I have tunnel vision. I can only see my face of my darling in my mind. Everything else is just a means to an end. Work has become a chore of greed and money. As these effects set in I can see myself slowly becoming someone very different from what I am today. I really don`t want to end up one of those jaded empty souls known as divorced husbands.

Despite all of these things, I will battle on in an attempt to keep the one person who has given me purpose all these years. She really is all I know. She is so connected to my life that I fear I cannot life alone. I know it is shocking to read me write such a thing. It is shocking for me to admit this to myself. If she really does end up disappearing from my life, I will have to take a hard look at my ability to survive without her. A divorce will mean I lose almost everything. I will not have much to speak of. Living as a spartan would be calling it an understatement. I have no life to return to in the states so Japan is effectively my home. The visa issue will be a mess of shit I cannot even start to understand clearly right now. Every step of the way over the past 12 years she has been by my side helping me. It seems that she may have helped me too much as I think of all the things I will have to handle by myself.

As the situation may end up really bad I am holding on to the little hope that our bond will not be broken. The magic spark which has kept us connected all these years might somehow pull us back together. If it cannot then I face one of the darkest periods in my life.

Ah yes...the life of a ghost in Tokyo is getting complex....

Late night Muse Part: Not Keeping numbers at this point

2011-04-13T01:25:00.003+09:00

I have not done one of these late night thought sessions on this blog in a long time. I have posted stuff late at night a lot, but it is usually something I had planned to write about before hand. This is a little different. I am setting down and writing as it comes. Writing, it seems, is the best therapy.

Currently it seems the god of chaos has again chosen me for hardship. While I am no stranger to hard times, it never gets easier with experience. It does in fact become more intense with experience. Life appears to be an endless journey of peaks and valleys. The peaks are never high enough and the valleys never low enough. Just when it seems I have finally found the highest peak in all the world I fall headfirst into a valley. These things should be expected but it is shocking and emotionally and mentally damaging every time. Yet I still wonder if there is a way to end this cycle without also ending life itself?

If life is all about a series of tests, lessons and learning then there must come a point in which falling down happens less often. These must come a day when a person is forgiven for his/her failings as a human and the grace of the gods are blessed upon us. The pain of failure and falling from glory and happiness is harder and harder to take each time it happens. I find myself, as I do now, going over every misstep and misguided decision I took to reach the point I find myself at this moment. I know I will end up doing this for a while. Trying to find a reason to forgive myself and the situation at large.

It is during these hard times of falling down that I often think of the Japanese cherry blossom. It is one of the greatest metaphors for pure happiness and quick sudden tragedy. When the blossom first starts to show itself it is hardly noticeable. It sprouts in a very gradual and unassuming way. Before you know it, the cherry blossom surrounds you in a blanket of beauty and happiness. The blossoms can make any man smile and fill his heart with youthful glee. Yet as quickly as it beings such happiness it fades away and becomes a distant memory. Life is strange like that you know. As soon as things become pleasant; everything is worn down and reduced to a shadow of its formal goodness.

Unlike the cherry blossom, life always moves forward and never takes a break. When I fall into these dark valleys life keeps pushing on with or without me. What happens in the next few weeks is very uncertain. There is only one thing which is certain; my life will never be the same.

Rebel Survival During the Great Japanese Earthquake of 2011: Part Two: The New Normal

2011-04-12T20:28:00.003+09:00

So here we are one month into all of this madness and I am still still holding strong. I have not become one of the `flyjin` who bailed after the massive quake that rocked Japan. For better or worse I am here and trying to see this one out.

When I think about I really have no other place to go. I cannot really call America home for the most part. I could go home but what would I be returning to? Going back to West Virginia would be a waste. While I love my mountain home there is very few chances for jobs or even a decent life. I grew up hard, and often reduced to damn near the level of a wild animal, and I have no wish to return to that kind of life. I got a few offers from people to come and live in other parts of America. Those tempting offers are still in the back of my mind, but for now I am staying here in Japan.

If am I going to attempt to ride this out I must adjust to the new normal. Daily earthquakes has been something which is a hell of a lot to get used to. It is really fucked up to have earthquakes as an alarm clock but this is becoming a reality. There have been so many quakes that I stopped trying to keep count. I am sure the number has got to be around 1,000 now. It is kind of like living on a trampoline; just as it seem stable you get bounced around and fall on your ass.

The radiation scares are a twist which makes everyday a little extra tense. While the government keeps telling everyone that things are okay in Tokyo, The nuclear plant in Fukushima keeps puking out radiation everyday. The Japanese government announced that Fukushima nuclear power plant is a level seven disaster. This is the worst kind of nuclear disaster. Kind of makes me really wonder about how well TEPCO is handling things. There still seems to be no real end to the whole situation.

I am still holding out for as long as I can. I am drinking bottled water and keeping up with the latest information. It is a exciting and dark time to be in Japan.

Rebel Survival During the Great Japanese Earthquake of 2011: Part One The Inital Quake

2011-03-16T05:55:00.002+09:00

To says that things here in Tokyo are tense is an understatement. The nation of Japan has been though one of the worst disasters in recorded history. We here in Tokyo have been damn lucky not to experience the horror up north. There has been a lot of confusion here in Tokyo but no looting and violence is very low. For the most part people have been chill. Problems are mounting but so far we are getting by. The Japanese government is trying to keep the capital city going for as long as possible; which is a good idea considering Tokyo is the heart of Japanese culture and government. Beside slight shortages of gas food and power, Tokyo is stable.

Yet, yall might be wondering what a hill billy like myself does to survive during a crisis like this. A proper rebel worth his metal should know what to do when shit hits the fan. I am no different in this fact.

When the quake went down I was actually scoring some bread(working). It was just another strange day in Tokyo. I showed at the Kamata branch ready to make some sales and teach some lessons. I was going full steam that day. Had been able to get a few students to take extra lessons that day. I was feeling pretty damn good as a `professional.` It all started while I was teaching a group of three older ladies. About 15 minutes into a lesson the shaking started. It was light at first. After 30 seconds it started to rattle the entire building. That is when we all took cover. The entire building was rocking and rolling. It was like being on one of those damn drop zone rides at carnivals;up and down, bouncing, rattling and not knowing when it was going to be over. There was a moment when I thought I was going to die. Yet, I did not pray to god or anything like that. I only thought of my wife. I remember having her smiling face in my mind. I closed my eyes and could only see her. I was ready to die. Then everything stopped.

I opened my eyes and realized I was alive. For a few seconds everything was silent. It took my brain a little time to realize what had just happened. There was little time to think as everyone at the branch started freaking out. I went into survival mode. My mind started operating at a level I did not think I had in me. I ordered everyone out of the building. It did not take much convincing because everyone had the same thing in mind. Everyone gathered what they had on hand and chucked it down the emergency stairs. Once outside we just kind of stared around at all the confusion and chaos going on around us. Several people gathered with us because they knew we were NOVA and was something familiar to rally around. I lit a smoke and took a step back. The students spoke to me a little bit but it was clear their minds were racing. I pretty much remained speechless for most of the first hour. I was trying to process what was going on around me and develop a plan.

After some time all the students left. It was just me and two staff left to fend for ourselves. They were scared and confused. The male staff wanted to stick to his guns and start working again. I convinced both of them to at least go with me to the train station and pick up a little information. So off to the station we went. The station was chaos but there were some TV`s at one of the shops showing the news. We saw with shock the images on the screen. The nation had fallen into chaos. The earthquake and tsunami damage kind of made me numb emotionally. Seeing that the building our was branch in was fine, we decided to go back to the building for safety. The gal working with us only lived 15 minutes away so we sent her home for the day. The male staff and I headed back to the branch. We watched streaming news via internet considering that no students were showing up. The footage we saw of the tsunami was shocking to say the least. We were like deers in headlights staring at the computer screen. It was a lot to take in all at once. After a while we stopped watching because it was too much to bear.

Once we gave up on the news be decided it was time to eat something. We were not hungry but we just wanted to get the butterflies out of our stomachs. I went to the nearest convenience store, and liquor store, to grab a few things. We ate like starved hounds and got a few stiff drinks in us. Attempting to be professionals we waited until work was `officially` over and stepped outside for the stiff drinks. It really helped our nerves believe me. At that point we got a call from one of our company offices near by offering to take us in for the night. If yall don`t know Kamata is a pretty fucked up part of Tokyo. Not the kind of place you want to camp out in an office for the night. We accepted the offer and off we went.

I had to lead the staff a lot though this entire process. He was still a mess of nerves and lacked any amount of patience what so ever. Yet, I had to get him to a safe place so I paid no mind to his complaints for the time being. Our goal was Oimachi which was three stations from Kamata; so off we went. I started out by taking back streets close to the train tacks. GPS systems were not working correctly by cell phone so we had to track our progress the old fashioned way by using line of sight. I knew that back streets could be dangerous but it seemed like a good idea at the time. My original plan seem to be working at first. We had a direct line of sight to the train tracks for a good 1/3 of the journey. Yet, after a while it became harder and harder to maintain a good view of the tracks. The staff was getting harder to deal with as well. He started complaining a bit too much for me to handle. Eventually I stopped and said to him, `Look you are going to have to stop being part of the fucking problem and start being part of the solution motherfucker.` He was taken back by my words to put it lightly. It was at that point I decided to start walking on the train tracks directly. Of course the staff did not want to do this. He resisted and I gave him the option of going the rest of the way by himself or following me. He choose to follow me. He chilled out for most of the rest of our journey.

After traveling on those dark desolate tracks for a good hour, mostly in total silence, we finally arrived at Oimachi. The staff made a bee line for the office. I had never seen any Asian be so happy to see another Asian in my entire life. When we arrived at the office and I instantly felt a hell of a lot better. Kamata staff jumped at the chance to communicate with the Oimachi staff. It was like watching an odd sort of family reunion. Yet, my greatest relief came when I discovered another teacher on hand; and he was American! I was so happy to be with someone from my own culture. We instantly clicked like blood brothers. I got him to go outside with me and we spent several hours getting drunk on the corner and shooting the shit. We got pretty hammered and passed out warm, safe and drunk in the office later.

And that my friends was day one...

A Religious Experience In Japan

2011-03-10T04:09:00.001+09:00

Japan is the last place anyone would consider to be a place in which to have a religious experience. Truth be known, there is a lot of religion in Japan. They are not so out in the open about it but all those temples and shrines are not just for tourist; people take those places very serious. I recently found this fact to be very true.

My darling wife dragged me, kicking and screaming like a child with tourette syndrome, to her home city of Hamamatsu. Normally I would jump at a trip to Hamamatsu. The place kind of kicks ass from my perspective. It is a rough and diverse city. It kind of reminds me of Detroit, before Detroit became a total shit hole of crime, poverty and eviction anarchy. My wife always like to point out to me all the places bad people do bad things in Hamamatsu. She does this because she knows I like things which are not for the faint of heart. It is her way of saying, `My city is fucked up just like you. You would like to live here.` Yet, that is another blog post for another day.

Anyway, the reason I had to be dragged to Hamamatsu was for the purpose of celebrating the death of her grandmother, and secretly the death of our unborn child. This was odd to begin with because death is usually handled by Buddhist in Japan. My wife`s family is Shinto and by Japanese tradition should be looking to Buddhist to handle the afterlife. As it was explained to me, her family is a different sect of Shinto which deal with life and death by way of the same god. Regardless of the faith, I have a distrust of organized religion.

There is just something about organized religion which puts me off. I think it comes from the violent blood thirsty history of organized religion which makes me have a loathing for it. Growing up in a Christian society as a rebellious Mormon kid did little to gain my trust for religion in general. I grew up having an ideology beat into my head that all other people, including other Christians, are vile and are going to burn in hell. I was not allowed, and it did not stop me, from drinking any caffeine or alcohol, smoking, relationships with gals outside the flock, rock music, world culture and any notions that science could teach me anything. As you may have guessed, none of that shit had much of an impact on me. The whole pressure to look down on non-believers and trapping people into a box always left a bad taste in my mouth. Despite my aversion, I agreed to spend a day knee deep in the Shinto faith; with in-laws who do not speak my native language.

The festivities started off with an in-home ceremony performed by two priests of sorts. I had no idea what was going on at all. The best I could do was just do whatever my wife did and hope I did not embarrass myself too much. I must admit that to my surprise it was a pretty heavy situation. It is hard for me to describe the whole event. It was as if the priest where attempting to bring the soul of my wife`s dead grandmother back to the land of the living for a few minutes. The priest did several things to this kind of tribute shrine which my in-laws have constructed in the house. While everyone is bowing and doing a three clap gesture repeatedly, the priest open a small door on a mini-shrine and recite some sort of command while waving their arms. This goes on several times until finally my wife turns to me and says, `It is okay now. You can relax. Grandmother is happy.` Whatever the fuck just had happened was totally lost on me.

The ceremony was not over just yet. Everyone loads into cars and heads out to a potato farm area in which a large shine claims home roost. At that point I started to feel like the whole event had turned into Children of the Corn Japanese style. It took about an hour to reach this BFE potato farm area. The area had an eerie peacefulness about it. There was not a lot of sound except for a few cars passing by. Everyone else seem to think the situation natural so I just went with it. Once everyone got settled into the temple it was time to basically repeat the same process again.

There was a little extra bonus with this go around. I lost complete feeling in both my damn legs and feet. The Japanese have a way of sitting which must be meant to destroy ones ability to walk normally. Siaza, as the Japanese call it, is the proper manner of sitting on the floor in Japan. It involves folding your legs and resting your ass on your feet while sitting upright.. To say the least this shit is really painful. The ceremony at the Shrine ran longer than expected which lead to me losing the ability to walk. After everything was done, I attempted to stand up and collapsed on the floor. My lack of walking ability caused everyone to do lightening fast neck spins. Everyone just kind of stared at me. There was a few moments in which everyone just kind of froze and thought to themselves, `Did the gaijin really just lose the ability to walk after sitting in Saiza?` I had succeeded in achieving two things at that moment: 1) convincing all my in-laws that American`s really can`t sit in Saiza. 2) Bringing the gaijin to a shrine will embarrass the shit out of the entire family every time. After stumbling around the shrine for a few minutes I sealed my fate as being the asshole of the day.

Once things chilled out for a bit everyone loaded up the cars again and headed to a upscale hotel for a proper high class meal. On my end, this is when things got a bit strange. I started drinking sake and chatting up the younger of the two priest. For some reason this guy took an interest in me. He wanted to talk about my religious beliefs. This is a wacky topic to start up with me but I had been drinking and did not care to share my views with this Japanese priest. I pretty much told him I hated organized religion and cited my reasons. He was at a lose of words and moved on to another topic before returning to the subject of my own personal spirituality. The man said something to me which had a major effect on me. `When a man`s past becomes too much for him to bear, he must strip himself naked and recreate himself to express what is inside of him.` We talked about a few other mindless things but that one piece of advise stuck with me.

Later that night I wondered around the city a bit just to see what was shaking. I ended up taking roost at a Yakiniku joint. They offered a 100 minute all-you-can-drink deal for 1,200 yen and meat plates for no higher than 350 yen. Only a blind fool hooked on crack would pass up such a deal. I was all alone considering that I was surrounded by native speaking Japanese who are not used to seeing `gaijin` as often as Tokyo folks are. Anyway, such forced solitude got me thinking about what the priest said. Maybe my past really is holding me back. Maybe all the shit which keeps me up at night IS the problem. As I gulped down glass after glass of poison it all became more clear to me; my past is fucking me in the ass daily. Such epiphany came to me just as the beef tongue started to blackened on the grill. I had to rip the meat off the grill and plop it on my plate. Perfectly good beef tongue gone damn near to waste due to my own self distraction. Yeah...self distraction.

Bam! Then it hit me like a prize winning fighter. My past is my own self distraction. I distract myself by dwelling on my rocky and controversial past. In order to be a true lean mean pipe wielding force of unstoppable energy I must displace the monkey on my back and beat the shit out of that bastard with a steel baseball bat. The past must not define me; it only remains as lessons learned. With lessons learned came final call and a slight nudging to pay and slap some leather on the sidewalk.

And that is a religious experience in Japan... .

Crossing My Moral Line Must Be Fun

2011-02-19T05:39:00.002+09:00

Here I sit again late at night as the howling February wind beats against my humble little dug out in Tokyo. As usual I am struggling to find sleep. This has been a problem of mine for years. I really don`t sleep much. There is this thing about me which I don`t share with people so much. The shocking truth is that I have a really strong moral line. A lot of people might think that I don`t really have much of a moral line. It is true that I really like having a good time. I have done plenty of wild things which in some people`s eyes might seem very immoral. Such opinions are okay with me because I do push things to the edge sometimes just for the pure fucking thrill of it. That does not make me an immoral person. I have my own sense of integrity which does not need the approval of others. Still, crossing my moral line really pisses me the fuck off!

I can be a very understanding person. More understanding then most people you will ever meet. Yet, I have come across a lot of fuckers in Tokyo who seem to make it their goddamn goal in life to find someone`s moral line then step right over it for some sick jolly. This is not something which was normal back in the mountains of West Virginia. I mean, I would run across such dicks but it was actually pretty rare. It was a wise thing not to fuck with someone and be a general prick. In fact, such behavior usually ended up in a ass beating sooner or later. The only exception was after a lot of drinking; then there were no rules.

While mass amounts of drinking does allow for a lot of relaxing of moral lines all in the name of a good time, under regular situations wrong is wrong and right is right.

It is my belief that every human has a pure sense of right and wrong built into them by way of the human spirit. I am not talking about religion or any idea of `god` by any means. It is our unique sense of empathy, which is stronger and more self influential than other creatures, which creates in us the natural sense of right and wrong. Although, for many people they choose to resist and beat down such natural essence until they can no longer feel or understand it clearly. They do not do this by themselves. They get plenty of help from those who have embraced the darker aspects of human nature. Yet, I don`t accept being twisted by dark motherfuckers as an excuse for crossing the truth of the moral line which shapes me.

There are a few things which way too many folks have no problem stepping all over with little concern.

It is wrong to point out someone`s shortcomings without also trying to help them be stronger by offering compassionate gentle assistance.
In other words, cold blooded attacks on a person, either personally or professionally, meant to belittle and marginalize someone. That is fucked up! Don`t do it.

It is wrong to hate someone and treat them badly based simply on the fact they have physically attractive traits or unique abilities, educated skills or mindset.
In other words, don`t fuck over unique hard working people who are a little different from the accepted norm just because they are an easy target.. That is fucked up! Don`t do it.

It is wrong to use your position or title in business or otherwise to carry out personal attacks in order to satisfy your own jaded opinions.
In other words, it is not acceptable to be a prick just because you can get away with it. That is fucked up! Don`t do it.

It is wrong to assume that everyone is worthless until they do something which serves your own agenda.
In other words, it is not okay to be a little snake in the grass with a god complex. That is fucked up! Don`t do it.

It is wrong to attempt to control others to serve your own ego.
In other words, being a sick little sociopath is always fucked up and deserves nothing less than an ass kicking of a lifetime. That is always fucked up! Stop fucking doing it!

It is wrong to attain any joy from causing mental or emotional pain of others.
In other words, all you sick little fuckers who puke out malice comments directed at others to vent your own hatred of yourself need to realize that most people are struggling to understand their own identity as well. That is fucked up! Stop hating so much and love more.

These are just a few common things I have experienced folks doing here in the city with little hesitation. I try real hard to follow the natural essence of the built in human code of ethics. I am not perfect because I am a being of emotions; like every human. There are times when I give in to the twisted dark aspects of the human experience. Although, I try my best to never deny the essence of the human spirit which resides inside of me.

Now, have you got a taste of what my moral line is? You are getting a better sense of who I am? Well, either way you should keep reading future post and learn more about the life of a ghost in Tokyo.

.

The Walking Dead

2011-02-04T05:41:00.001+09:00

So, I was pulling down some bread recently and I got into this `discussion` with this guy who has got to be old enough to have seen the bomb drop. I have `taught` this man many times before. He is okay usually but he has this habit of saying really depressing things and never following the flow of the lesson. Well, I must have gotten the luck of the draw because I had to `teach` this guy for two hours straight(two lessons back to back). What this throw back to Imperial Japan said to me was enough to really make me question the soul of the nation.

During the first lesson, which was an advanced discussion lesson, he had another old bag in the class with him. As usual he derailed the flow of the lesson as every given opportunity. It did not matter which section of the lesson we were doing, he was intent on doing his own thing. This of course pissed off the old chick and frustrated me to no ends. Yet, he did not give a fuck.. Fair enough, it`s his money and if he wants to rant on and on so be it. Although, when he had me all to himself things twisted in a very unexpected way.

After stepping out for a quick smoke, I return to the class to find that this guardian of the old faith had booked a lesson which had just been canceled. Being a keen old bastard he of course booked a group lesson knowing full well that no other student would want to have a lesson with his ass. I decided to use some material I had made myself. Usually, I would not waste something I made myself on this bitter stubborn old man. Although, it was a light day and I needed to try out some material. What material was on tap? Well, learning about extended metaphors though the works of Shakespeare of course! This had `old man will reject this and go on a cold blooded rant about society` written all over it. Despite this fact, I threw caution to the wind and used the material anyway.

I sat down with the hopes that this Emperor loving geezer would attempt to learn what I choose to attempt to teach him. At first he seemed to be gun-ho. I presented the topic to him and he was game at first. It was only when we started to modify one of Shakespeare`s metaphors that this old geezer laid some cold blooded shit on me.
*Remember he never follows any lesson flow.

Old Geezer:
`It is a fact that there is no god. This is why some people have a very good life and others suffer deeply. Those who suffer will die and be gone from our society. They must suffer and they must die. We should never care about other people. They cannot be helped. If we have any pity on other people, such an act only makes society weak. This is why no American can ever hope to understand we Japanese.`

How in the fuck do you even begin to respond to such a statement? For that matter, how to you maintain your professionalism when a student lays something like that on you?That old fucker smacked me in the face with the weight of the defunct Japanese Empire for seemly no good reason other than for his own sick jollies. He had this smug grin on his face as I struggled to press on with the lesson. With such cold blooded shit as an undercurrent in Japanese society no wonder things are so fucked at times. I have heard of such ideas being one part of modern Japanese society. I have also seen evidence of it in the manner in which the homeless and unemployed are generally treated. That was the first time someone from Japan had ever bluntly laid out the wolf pack mentally to me concerning Japanese society.

I need some feedback on this one. Was this old fart just lashing out at me because he has some old axe to grind with non-Japanese or was he simply stating an often unspoken fact about Japanese society?

The Darkest Fire Bruns Out The Heart of Wicked Men

2011-02-03T04:39:00.002+09:00

In the brightest light of day I see the darkest heart of men. Many people pass right by them without a single clue. Yet, I can feel, smell, and even taste the allure of the blackest lust of men all around me. It pucks out a sinister excitement. If it does not blacken the heart of every man, at least it will taint the soul. Such darkness travels without detection from one soul to the next. It separates soul and mind, replacing only a madding lust for all things destructive. How am I able to resist it? I don`t try. Instead of trying to resist such madness, I prefer to be tainted by it rather than be destroyed by it.

I can sense the darkest hearts of the darkest men because their darkness also dwells inside of me. Yes, I feel all the blood lust, rage, corruption, coldness, and chaos which drives the common blackened man in all his endeavors. I have knowledge of the darkness which split his soul and mind into a mesh of chaotic endless madness. We do not know each others name`s yet we do know a certain sickness which lurks along the mass population like a burning black fire. While his heart has been overtaken by the darkness, I am only tainted therefore I am at natural odds with the darkest hearts of men.

This natural and unavoidable conflict can be so subtle and vague that a simple passing expression or eye contact is enough to spark a shared madness of undetectable looming doom by the non-inflicted. Our battle ground is the metaphysical plain of existence only known to those effected by the dwelling darkness. An explosion of a million atomic bombs release an enveloping cloud of protective black energy blocking out all sound and outside influence; there will be blood. We cast a million strikes with our swords in a millionth of a second. As we attempt to slice our minds into utter nothingness, we absorb the black fallout form such a massive release of raw dark energy. The fallout seeps into our hearts and begins a chain reaction of fire, rage and lust. He who burns quickest, burns shortest. I burn but not outward. My fire retains the one thing which cannot be ruined; knowledge that I am not wicked simply tainted.

Battle ends. The darkness in the heart of men carries on.

It`s True! I am a Twisted Mother Fucker!

2011-02-02T04:00:00.001+09:00

To say that I am a bit `out of place` in Japan is an understatement. I am not talking about the simple fact that I am not Japanese; because that is just a fact of life. In fact, I find the Japanese to be pretty interesting people. While I don`t agree with their overall mindset at times and unique ability to be distant even when it does not benefit them, I try to give them equal bearing even when they refuse to give it to me. I don`t really try to relate to them because it has been made clear to me that, as a nation and a culture, they don`t want anyone to relate to them. One of my biggest struggles living in Japan has been relating to other western foreigners.

Yall would think this shit would not be so hard. In the end, we are all in this together. One would expect some sort of natural common ground among the western foreign population. I have found that this is simply not the case. Now, before I go any further let me say that I do know some really cool people. They are few and far between but I do know some. Yet, for the life of me I seem to have a really hard time relating and befriending other `gaijin.`

I have spent countless nights staying up late attempting to understand what the root of the problem is. At times I have tried my damn hardest to be friendly and nice as I can be. Despite my attempts at friendship I find myself being awkward and left `out of the loop` way too often. I seem to find a way to make people have adverse reactions to me. Maybe I really am a twisted mother fucker. I go over the edge into the land of chaos a lot more than I should. Sometimes my rebellious nature may freak people out or give them the impression that I am somehow unhinged. To be honest, I don`t feel that way about myself.

I think due to a hell of a lot of crazy shit which has gone down around me, to me and because of me has made me sensitive to the world on a much different level than a lot of westerners. I have experienced first hand a lot of madness in my life. Hell, I have touch death`s hand twice, partied in ways which would kill most men, hunted out thrills which are in no way safe, buried my own father, been involved in fights which should have killed me, grew up in one of the roughest backwoods areas of America and dated women wilder and more dangerous than a cobra. All of these things, combined with a few others, have given me a pretty unique spirit. Yet, I find myself struggling to not only find a comfort zone with Japanese but also bond with other `gaijin.`

I need to find a way to relate and express myself in a way which other people can get a handle on. People mock me and it pisses me off! I really do not like being marginalized by others lack of ability to understand me as a person. As I have always believed, `To know me is to love me.`

The Stubborn Game

2011-02-01T06:39:00.001+09:00

Games are very popular in Japan. Arcades can be found everywhere. Hell, I once stayed at a cheap love hotel which had a damn slot machine in the room! Yet, truth be told there is one game which it seems as if almost everyone in these parts love to play; The Stubborn Game. If you don`t know this crazy ass game then you don`t live in Japan. The rules are pretty simple. Basically, when someone wants or needs something you place unreasonable demands on them and refuse to listen to anything they have to say until they do everything you want first. If the other person will not `cooperate` you attack them without end until they are emotionally and mentally raped. Many folks find this to be a very fun game worth countless hours attempting to win. Although, those of us who are sane know this is pure bullshit which drags people down to a very low level of thinking.The shit pisses me off and I am sure it pisses you off as well.

The problem is that `the stubborn game` is played so often by a hell of a lot of people it can be rather hard to avoid it. As for me I usually try to dismiss people when they try this shit with me. Let me give yall a real good example of how I attempt to deal with this often played game in the grand city of Tokyo. This example is simple but just goes to show the daily level of stubbornness that is the Tokyo lifestyle. I was in Takadanobaba a bit early before work so I decided to grab a quick cup of coffee. There is a coffee shop in the area that looked nice so I went inside. There is this lady who greets me and says gives me a table, which I thought was a bit odd for a damn coffee shop. I told her all I wanted was a cup of coffee. She gives a odd look and goes away. A few minutes later she brings me a coffee. Well, my work place calls me and needs me to go ahead and come to the branch. I asked the women to give me a to-go cup because I need to leave suddenly. She tells me that is not allowed and I will have to buy a to-go coffee. I tell her I already ordered a cup of coffee, and I want to get a take out cup for the coffee I just ordered. She says, `Sorry. Cannot do that. Must order another` in the best English she could muster. In response I say,`I am busy. Please help me. Give me a to-go cup for my coffee` in the best Japanese I could muster. She gets angry and demands I pay for the coffee I ordered. Well, I politely said no and left. I did not actually get any coffee in my belly.

The above example was a small one but this kind of thing goes down all the fucking time. The Stubborn game is so common I almost expect some stupid shit to go down every time I need something from someone. It can really be a drag to depend on anyone in Tokyo. I am willing to bend a lot for people at times. Dammit when people start that `No. My Rules or you get nothing` shit it really makes it hard for me to be nice. I tried real hard to bend for this women. I was willing to pay for the coffee if would have simply gave me a to-go cup. Hell, I was planning on buying a little sandwich to take with me. The bitch just had to be stubborn as hell and place unreasonable demands on the situation. She was hell bent on milking the situation for all it was worth. She was not going to give me an inch. I could also be an unreasonable asshole all the time but I try really hard not to be. Yet, these days I got a much more well defined line and I just cannot let people cross me so damn much.

The Ghost Letters V2011

2011-01-27T05:38:00.001+09:00

Howdy Yall! Here I am holding strong in 2011. I find myself still living in the land of the raising sun. I am a little late logging this New Year report but better late than never. 2010 was one hell of a year for me. A lot of twist and turns made up 2010 for me. A lot of low points, along with a new highs, took me to places in my mind which have forever changed me. I have learned several things:The police in Tokyo really are fucked in the head, most people cannot see past the tip of their nose, anyone with a little bit of power will have an attitude about it,life can start and end real quick, drinking really can be an acceptable lifestyle, most people really will do just about anything to save their own ass, and last but not least most people are barbaric simple minded fucks with no manners. As negative as the above learned lessons sound, I have gained several positive resolves from my experiences in 2010.

Out of all the odd twist and turns which made up 2010 I learned something very true about myself. The fact of the matter is that I am a very unique person. I kind of knew this all along but I guess I was never really able to admit it to myself. I have spent way too much time attempting to be exactly who I am, while at the same time seeking acceptance from the world at large. The odd desire for social acceptance must be a natural human trait because most people spend a good amount of their lives seeking such acceptance. I have reached the point in which I can no longer worry so much about acceptance from others in all levels of my life. This is a bit easy to do on a personal level but professionally this is a bit harder.

Truth be told, the English teaching biz in Japan is filled with good old boy gangs, super egos and pricks who have little care for their fellow co-worker. I have seen some really brutal shit go down in this biz and I am sure I will see even more shocking behavior. I consider the situation to be truly sad because in the end all of the above mentioned things lead to a overall lower level of teaching. I firmly believe that if English teachers in Japan cut the bullshit they, myself included, could become some of the best ESL teachers in the world. Sadly, most of the English teachers in Japan are content to do just enough to get buy, refuse to pull themselves up to a higher level and play politics in order to protect themselves. Well, I have refused to do this shit with people anymore.

For me, most of the things that go on in the English teaching biz are a waste of my time. I really enjoy teaching English. I want to get better and bring myself to a higher level. I am sick of the bullshit! My focus is on two things as far as a teacher goes. I always want to try and get better and give no quarter to the unethical crap most teachers consider as normal. I will admit that there are a lot of companies which will always do fucked up things to teachers in the name of making a few bucks. I have deep compassion for anyone who catches the shitty end of the stick from a company because I experience the same things. Yet, from a pure teaching stand point please cut the shit and let`s get to the business of attempting to be the best teachers we can be. I want to learn from other teaches and I hope they want to learn from me as well. I am by no means the `god of teaching` and I don`t pretend to be. Yet, I am trying to be the best I can be at what I do in order to bring money home to my wife. In short, I will no longer worry about trying to impress any of my fellow teachers. Fuck anyone who comes to me, as a professional, with any ego or other such bullshit. Earn my respect the hard way by being friendly, open to learning from each other and ready to work hard together for mutual benefit.

In other news here are some other things I plan to add to my core of values as a human being:

There is no man or women who is above or below me as a human being. Everyone gets equal treatment from me until otherwise noted.

An Asshole is an Asshole and there is no room for debate on the subject

Children are beautiful and pure beings in this world. They should always be cherished and shaped into people who have far better moral fiber than we do. You are damn lucky to be blessed with the duty of raising a child.

I have been tainted by the darkness of this world, but I must not let that be an excuse or a reason for treating random people like common dogs. I am better than that.

Only a truly vile piece of shit would sell his/her fellow humans out just to avoid a similar fate. There is no excuse for it.

How dare you undermine me for your own selfish means. One day I will fuck you up for that!

And last but not least...Love your fellow humans, even if they hate your fucking guts.

Which Direction Is Up Again?

2010-11-20T03:38:00.001+09:00

You know I have been thinking about something recently. This has been a really tough year for me. I have had to deal with some really heavy, fucked up and silly shit which would be enough to drive a perfectly sane man to the crazy house. It has been one of those years when everything seem to happen at once. It has been a lot to deal with to say the least. So I have been thinking that it may be time for a change in direction a bit.

While I have no plans to leave Japan any time soon, I am reaching a level of stress which is starting to effect my mental well being. I have not felt this kind of high stress level many times in my life. It usually does not turn out well from past experiences. When I finally crack it is something no one should ever witness. I have done some pretty crazy things in the past in order to purge the shit of humanity from my sorry mortal soul. I know that if something like that happens in Japan I will end up in a world of shit from which I will never return. So what the hell is pushing the buttons of your lovable working class hero?

Well, aside from a lot of little things which have been building up there are two big things which are pushing me to the breaking point. Earlier this year my wife and I lost an unborn child due to medical reasons. The little one never really had a chance in this world. It was only forming in my wife`s body for about four weeks before her body rejected it. It got stuck in one of her tubes and almost killed her. I will ever forget looking down at the mass of blood and human tissue which was suppose to be my child. After the operation to save my wife`s life the doctor called me into a small room to explain what happened. After about 20 minutes of the doctor(Japanese doctors have a shitty bedside manner BTW) struggling to explain things to me, she offered to show me what was left of my child. She rolled a small metal operating table beside me and revealed my child to me. Viewing such a horrible and painful sight usually breaks the soul of most men. I just stared at it with a hard expression on my face. Not one tear came from my eyes as my mind tried to comprehend what I was looking at. It was as if time stopped. I could not hear or feel anything around me. It was one of the darkest experiences in my life. The after effects have been deep and extremely difficult for my wife and I. After several tests the doctor is not even sure if we will ever be able to have a child. I will never forget this experience as long as I live.

The other big thing which is pushing me to the limit is my day job. It is this job I depend on to provide for myself and my wife. I thought I knew what the term `fucked up SOB` meant but I really didn`t understand the term until working for my currently company going on three years now. I am pretty sure these people are capable of just about anything in the pursuit of money. Lack of humanity and ethics do not even start to describe what I have seen and experienced during my involvement with this company. It is the most cut-throat company I have ever worked for. They don`t give a flying fuck about anyone; not even each other. I have seen these people fuck each other over in order to save their own asses. They are vengeful and attack their own employees with the mind set `it is just business.` It has reached a point in which it is effecting me in very negative ways. If I ask for anything i.e. a paid day off, a decent work schedule in which I am not spread out all over fucking Japan, a little basic human respect, or requesting they don`t put me in abusive work environments they respond my making every situation worse or having to fight them to get even the basics done. I am starting to wonder how much longer I can put up with such people and such a company.

It is these two things which are effecting my mental health. The baby thing is just something which I will have to deal with for the rest of my life. The company thing is something which could be dealt with. If any of yall know of a decent paying teacher gig and you could get me a foot in the door let me know.

You Blog?! Why?

2010-11-19T05:45:00.002+09:00

Truth be told most people I know in the `real world` do not blog. In fact. most of them have never even considered blogging. I only really know two people two actually blog. I good buddy from work Alex the Brit has his site bestbritishgrub.com(go to his site and encourage him to post more) and of course Mr. Billy `Tokyo` West who currently is not so active in the blogging world. People ask me all the time, `Why in the hell do you blog? It is kind of a waste of time.` I have always been able to answer this question pretty easily by saying,`I do it because it is fun for me. I like to write about things that I see and experience.` I really do feel that way about blogging in general. It is fun hobby which gives me the chance to share my little world with everyone out there in internet land. It has always been fun for me to be apart of something which anyone can do and be decently good at. It does not take a master level knowledge of internet code or marketing to have your own little blog.

Yet blogging is something a bit more bigger than just a fun hobby. Blogging is another form of spreading information. The internet is in its purest form is a giant library of information of just about every topic known to mankind. When anyone post a blog entry about any topic for any reason it just adds to the wealth of information in the net. Some blogs only add an opinion or an experience had by one lone person in the world. Yet,despite the weight of the content THAT lone blogger posting about something which seems unimportant to you or I will most likely be important to someone out there in the harsh world. It would only make sense to assume that every blog post carries with it important information worth sharing with billions of people.

For some folks blogging is more than just a hobby. There are folks making a shit load of cash just by blogging. They put a lot of time and effort selling ads on their site and getting paid sponsors. These kind of people pretty much live on the internet. Of course they do other stuff but majority of their day is spent doing something internet related. For a professional blogger it is more about making money than really sharing information. I don`t hate on these types of folks because if they got a damn good blog and lots of people check it out then go ahead and make some money off of it. Making serious cash doing something fun which requires very little hard labor is kind of a dream job.

So yeah, I blog because it is fun other people blog to score some cash. Both reasons for blogging is okay with me. It all comes to the spread of information in the end. If people want to hate on me then they really are wasting their time. Do you really want to be the person hating on someone`s hobby? At this point, when someone leaves a fucked up comment on my blog I just delete it and move on. I suggest everyone do the same thing. No one has to put up with assholes trying to leave a bag of shit on their front door.

Anyway, I am going to go ahead and end my `Why Blog` post before it becomes a long ass rant with little or no direction.

If you want check out my other blog; theghostofliberty.com It is more of a political blog so if you are interested give it a look.

The Youth Are Getting Brave These Days In Japan

2010-11-17T17:19:00.001+09:00

The common Japanese you run into on the street will most likely shy away from talking to you if they do not know you. It could be said that it is a national habit for the Japanese to leave most foreigners to their own devices. They, as a whole, get more friendly and open up a lot more after a few drinks. Besides having a few rounds, most Japanese will not just walk up to you and have direct contact. While this may be true in most situations the tide may be turning in the spirit of the Japanese youth. From my experience, I have seen a clear difference in the way younger Japanese(18-30) engage foreigners compared to their older counterparts.

The youth of Japan seen to be more forward and brash than the average Japanese Joe six pack. In most nations one would expect the youth to be forthcoming when interacting with people from other so-called tribes. Yet, in Japan the pressure to conform is so strong that one would think they are born wearing a suit and tie. The sharp contrast in posture taken towards foreigners is so clearly noticeable that it boggles the mind how they ever get to the point of being passively dismissive of foreigners.

The brash Japanese youth sometime surprise me with how forward they can be at times. Case in point, I went to the local supermarket last night to grab a few beers and a pack of smokes(yes I still smoke). Just across the road were two young street gals chatting loudly about something or the other. Of course I paid them very little mind and marched on into the store. When I came back out one of the gals came running up to me saying, `excuse me! excuse me! Give me tobacco please!` As she did this her friend slowly followed her like a pet follows a owner. I flashed a pack of smokes I just bought and both of their eyes lit up like firecrackers. I must have given them about six smokes total out of kindness and slight shock. As soon as they got what they wanted they almost walked off just as fast. One of the gals spoke to me using the little English she had found the time to master. They were cute but clearly rough from hanging out on the street all the time.

I see the same kids hanging out on the street down from my house all the time. This little event was the first time they had spoken to me. It is rare for any Japanese,even the homeless, to demand I give them something. The young kids obviously have little care to speak to foreigners when they want something bad enough. The only other time Japanese randomly speak to me is at Yoyogi park sometimes and when I go to a rockabilly show.

Have any of you ever had a random Japanese youth speak to you and/or make an out of the blue request?

The Sad Cafe Shibuya,Tokyo

2010-11-10T02:44:00.001+09:00

I usually do not do restaurant reviews. There are so many blogs out there which focus on such things like places to eat and things to see that I really feel it has been over done. Yet, sometimes I find a cool unique spot in the Tokyo Metro area which deserves mention. The Sad Cafe in the Shibuya area is one of those places which deserves taking a little look at. I have been going to this place for a while. I usually hit it up about once a month on one of my infamous Tokyo walkabouts. My buddy Jack of Jack's Vintage fame first passed the word on to me about this place about a year ago. He promised me a good lunch for under 2,000 yen. Well, any damn place which offers a decent lunch which will not clog my heart for under 2,000 yen is worth checking out.

About a week later I was damn hungry and had some extra cash on me so I decided to give the place a go. It is located half way from Harajuku and the central Shibuya area. It is in a food court slash mini shopping building right after the Auddi building. If you are not looking for it you will most likely miss it. Any damn way, when you walk into the place you are treated by a full on semi-sleazy 1970's theme. The slight sleeze is toned down with an up beat attitude and motto,'I can't help myself. I want to diet but with the sad cafe right around the corner...' At least they are honest that the food is good but maybe the so good for your health. Truth be told the good is actually pretty tasty. There are two items on the menu I would suggest are worth giving a go. The curry lunch plate is damn tasty and sure enough under 2,000 yen even with a drink. Not bad for downtown metro standards. Although the all time best is a straight up classic American hotdog. Be aware that most hotdogs in Tokyo are pure fucking shit. For some reason Tokyo is not good at making a decent hotdog. Lucky enough Sad Cafe makes a proper hotdog. I really enjoy having a damn good hotdog with a glass of beer at Sad Cafe. They also have tacos which are pretty good but can be a bit dry sometimes.

Despite the food, I think the main reason I keep coming back to the Sad Cafe is the overall atmosphere. The vibe is laid back and cool to say the least. The staff are very friendly but pretty much stay out of your way. They don't really come around asking you if you want more food or drink. You can sit at your table for an hour or more in total peace. There is also usually some cool 70's rock and roll playing in the background for your listening pleasure. They got all kinds of interesting 70's era posters and items on the wall to check out while you day dream. For those of you who like to view the city street while you gobble down some grub there is a long seating area which overlooks a busy Tokyo street.

Overall, the Sad Cafe offers something for just about anyone who loves good classic American food and 70's American culture. Hell, if you want to have a group party the Sad Cafe can be rented out for the evening. Just talk to the manager on duty for details.

You can get a coupon from their website for 10% discount! sadcafe.com

Some Folks Know Whats Up

2010-11-09T02:09:00.009+09:00

In passing Japanese society looks like a very conformist button down group of people. Mid-day in Tokyo can be wall to wall suits and ties sometimes. There are so many social rules that box people into a certain lifestyle that few people break though the heavy cloud of authority. The average Japanese is going to do everything he/she can to fit in and not make waves. Despite this national fetish with conformity, some folks are able to see what is really going on. Truth in point is a student I ran across during a conversation period at school recently.

I walk into a larger than normal booth and two students stare back at me. One of them was an early 20`s something guy with a crazy stoner smile glued on his face. The other student was older, maybe in his early 60`s, hard noised and focused on something in his own mind.I really had no idea what to talk about with them so I simply asked them what they felt like saying. The old man quickly perked up and slapped a book on the table. He says to me, `you ever read this book?` The book was titled Confessions of an Economic Hitman. I read that book when it came out a few years ago and it only confirmed a lot of things a knew to be true. American is a modern Empire which takes control of other nations and uses them to get rich. What I did not expect was a old Japanese guy also being aware of such a fact and having the balls to talk about it with an American. The guy talked at length about such things as the NWO,9/11, and the Iran Contras. As interesting as it was, I could tell that the younger guy was hearing these things for the first time. It must have been one of the most interesting conversations I have ever had with anyone from Japan. The both of them asked each other questions about a variety of topics with me simply serving as a reference guide.

The experience got me thinking that maybe there are more people in Japan who are aware of what is really happening in the world than I thought. Though all the pressure to conform and `fit in` there may be a growing number of Japanese who are simply not buying the bull shit fed to them everyday. I wonder how many people are sitting at home at night researching things and trying to get to the truth of things around them? With the way the world is these days I am willing to bet there are more folks like that old man around.

Ryan Vs. The Japanese Health Care System

2010-11-08T03:55:00.001+09:00

By now all of yall know I really don`t like socialized health care. I have experienced it first hand and while there are some advantages, the negatives make it an overall raw deal. None the less, this is what I have to deal with in order to live in Japan. I pay for the National Heath Care insurance every month like a good little slave. Considering that I am paying for it as I might as well get something out of it from time to time. Well, my dearest wife has been nagging me to get a `health check` for about two months with the wonderful reason of, `You are 30 now so there is risk you might get sick and die.` While I really doubt my days are numbered at 30 the gal sees things very differently. To make her happy, and shut her up about it, I scheduled myself a trip to the hospital for a `health check.`

As you might have guessed, a `health check` in Japan is a bit different from what you would expect in the states. First of all, I had to go to a annex of the main hospital. That was a little odd but no biggie. When I finally got to the section I needed I felt like I had just walked into a mad house. There were gals in cute uniforms running around leading people to a variety of rooms for all the different tests to be carried out. There were people(mostly old as dirt) sitting in the waiting area looking at each other with uncomfortable expressions. The admins at the front desk were cold and all business. I thought about doing something funny in an attempt to get a smile out of them but they would most likely had none of it. They simply checked my paperwork, informed me of the price(26,000 yen! So much for socialized care), gave me a key to a locker so I could change, and told me to wait. Oddly enough the motherfuckers charged me for the damn medical outfit I had to change into for the `health check.` From the get go I felt like I was getting scammed!

After about 20 min. my name was called, correctly oddly, and the gauntlet began. Apparently, Japan must have a lack of general practice doctors because every section of the test required a different doctor. I personally thought it was a huge waste of money to have that many doctors to perform a simple health check. I must have got poked and prodded by at least 12 different so-called `specialist.` Socialized health care must be sucking the Japanese government dry. A general practice doctor could have almost done everything it took 12 doctors to do. Hell, it took three people to just take a blood sample, check my height and ask me a few basic lifestyle questions! The amount of people getting in on taking the Japanese government for a ride is amazing sometimes.

I would have not minded the scam happening right before my eyes so much if they had not been so damn out in the open about it. The whole ordeal went down along one long ass hallway with rows of small rooms on each side. In each room one small part of the `health check` was completed. In between checks you were ordered to set down on a kind of comfortable green sofa. Every Japanese I sat down next to stared at me harder than usual. It may have been the first time any of them saw a gaijin getting a health check. Such a fact would not be surprising considering most of the big employers of westerners do not offer a health care plan. The national coverage is a bit out of price range for your average gaijin to afford. It would have been nice to have a buddy with me because it was super awkward having a gang of old people wearing ugly green hospital gear staring at me with odd expressions glued on their faces.

To be fair, one of the bright moments was being lead to the next room by a cute early 20 something gal wearing a cute checked outfit. They had entire team of these gals assisting every single person to their next room. it was surreal to say the least. It was like being on some Japanese game show from hell, `Okay folks! Our next lucky player will take the liquid metal in your stomach/fun with X-rays challenge!`

Seriously, I am not joking about liquid metal being involved in the whole ordeal! At one point in the `health check` I went into a X-ray room. I have gotten plenty of X-rays in my life but nothing prepared me for a Japanese style X-ray. When I went into the X-ray room I was greeted by the muscular looking man holding a cup of scary looking thick liquid. He smiled and said to me. `Please drink this whole cup of Barium so I can check your stomach and intestines` My first reaction was of course, `What the fuck! I am not drinking that! We use Barium for rat poison in the states!` He did not care that Barium is rat poison and I ended up having to drink a whole cup of that shit!` After I forced myself to drink it he made me hold onto a rotating bed while he got a few live shots of my guts. I felt like pure shit the rest of the day. Matters were made worse by the fact that he also instructed to me take two very strong laxatives to get the Barium out of my system. I thought I would be strong and not shit my pants before making it home. Well, these were pretty strong laxatives and I only made it three stations before the shit in my ass could not wait any longer. I rushed off the train at Akiba station and right into a bathroom at the platform. I suffered though 40 minutes of explosive diarrhea before I was able to walk again.

After finally being able to transfer from JR to TX I must have been the most happy person you could ever see on a damn Tokyo train. It just felt good knowing that I would soon be safe in my home. I am sure that some of the folks on the train noticed that I had just survived a rough morning. It was kind of written all over my face. I remember sitting there thinking that I left the hospital feeling worse than when I arrived. A `health check` has got to be one of the strangest experiences I have had in Japan so far.

I really cannot blame the Japanese for this wasteful and inefficient system. The government and greedy health care industry must take the lion share of the blame for a such a money sucking system. Yeah, I got a pretty full on `health check` but at the same time I was over charged and way too many doctors poked and prodded me. It will be a long ass time before I do that again!

Advantage of Doing Private English Lessons in Japan

2010-10-12T05:19:00.000+09:00

Despite the English speaking level of Japanese people nation wide is pretty low, learning English is still hugely popular. Most Japanese people I run into are either currently taking some type of English lesson or have a desire to learn English. One would think that all the professional language schools would be able to maintain a decent profit. Well, the truth is that most of the language schools in Japan are either not making any money at all or turn only a small profit. Due to the very public meltdown of several Eikaiwa English school over the past several years the Japanese public are a hell of a lot less willing to fork over cash to these types of companies. This does not mean a lot of Japanese have stopped taking English lessons. From a raw street level point of view, I have noticed an explosion in the private English lesson market. The money a lot of Japanese used to hand over to professional language schools are now going to teachers who are willing to do a shit load of private lessons on the side.

Before I go on let me make it clear that unless you are willing to do a hell of a lot of foot work you cannot survive on private lessons alone. You still need a stable job. Currently, you can still get a job as an ALT or Eikaiwa instructor pretty easy(although I don`t how long that is gonna remain true). A lot of companies are being pretty damn cutthroat concerning which teachers they keep and how many lessons per week they give. The ALT racket looks to be on it`s heels with the possibility of JET getting the boot. So, a keen English teacher in Japan better be trying to work on getting him/herself a stock of private students in order to maintain their income a bit. If you are polite and friendly you can usually get between 2,000 and 3,000 yen per lesson in the Tokyo/Yokohama area alone. It may seen like a big challenge to sling English on your own without the convenience of going to work at the language school and having the students walk right though the door. A little more work is involved but it can be done.

There are `placement` companies which, as many of them commonly say, `match the right student with the right teacher.` The real reason these companies are set up is to act as a middle man and exploit the direct exchange of money between teacher and student. These kind of companies can be really helpful. They usually have a website which you create an account on and students have access to view and choose your profile for a `trail` lesson. During the trail lesson a rep. from the `placement` company will be there to do all the sales work for you. If the student likes you then they will sign a contract with the company and schedule the first lesson with you. The student will pay you directly during each lesson. Lessons usually take place at a cafe or sometimes the students home. Here are a few company websites to get you started: enjoylesson.com 7ACT 121sensei.com. The short list I just provided is just a start. After looking around on the net you will find better companies.

Dealing with a `placement` company is not the only option open to a keen teacher. If you really want to get your hands dirty and do it on your own there are a few things you should do. A good idea is to make up a business card stating that you teach private English lessons. Get a shit load of them made up. Give them to everyone who meet. Be sure to put your name, phone number and e-mail on the card. Adding a picture to your business card is not a bad idea as well. Also, some used English book stores are cool about letting teachers put up a flyer offering private English lessons. Be sure to ask first before putting any advert up at a place of business.Another thing you can do is simply get the word out in the street. Be real nice to people and you might be able to score a new student. Be sure to get your Japanese friends to tell their friends you teach private lessons.

That is just about all the advice I can offer concerning getting private lessons. If you can get five or six students you can make about 20,000 extra yen a week. That is a lot of damn money over the course of one month! Hang in there yall.

There is Still a Line You Know

2010-10-08T07:09:00.001+09:00

So judging from the last post it is pretty clear that I am in a mood to say somethings that need to be said. For now, I will leave the Japanese to be who they are. They are human just like the rest of us. They have their good points and bad. In this post I need to talk about folks who come to Japan and think that somehow it has magically become okay to be a raging self-serving asshole. I`m not talking about the regular brand of asshole. The cure for those kind of folks is a good old fashioned broken noise. The kind of asshole I am referring to is those who will do anything to have their cake and eat it too.

While I was living in West Virginia I didn`t come across this unique brand of asshole so often. This is due to the fact that such a person did not live long enough to really cause a lot of trouble. Japan having such a passive mind set allows such assholes to succeed. I have seen many times in Japan people take the opinion that, `Well he is an asshole but he does get things done so it is okay.` I am sorry yall but it is not okay at all. Just because someone can do something well does not mean they get a free pass to bully, play games with people`s lives, and generally fuck everyone over who they don`t like. The kind of person who does the above mentioned things is the exact kind of person I am talking about.

These kind of people look at Japan as a place to exploit rather than a place to be explored. I can be honest and say that I don`t accept everything about Japan but at least I don`t try to exploit everyone living here. There are people I know who I can have a beer with any night of the week yet will have no bones about screwing me over to save their own sorry hides. I deal with a lot of people like that. Sneaky cunts who think that they are the only person of value on the planet earth. Well, I am not going to put up with such shit anymore!

It would be real easy for me to just say `fuck off` to these kind of folks but I know that is not going to work. Any kind of overt resistance they will take it as a challenge. Hell, I have been known to like a good challenge myself. I am the kind of guy who says `Oh yeah, now you`re talking` when a gun is pointed point blank to my head. Yet, my reason for taking such a posture is very different compared to the kind of asshole I am writing about. I take such a posture because I believe that there are situations when you have to out crazy someone in order to prove a point. Although these shitty assholes I am referring to take said posture for the simple purpose of stamping you out and putting themselves on a golden pedestal in order to look good in front of the Japanese. Why would someone do such a childish thing you might ask? Well, as most of us know looking good in front of certain Japanese in certain situations can bring a little extra cash in your pocket and a few extra benefits. For such seemingly small rewards a lot of people are more than willing to fuck you two ways to Sunday. They will do this shit for money, pussy, and position.

So, how am I going to deal with these very special brand of shitty asshole? Usually these dicks pick on something small and make a big deal about it or order to attempt to screw me over. What I am choosing to do is act it is not a big deal to me. This in turns usually leads them to press the issue in a slightly rude way. At that point I have two options. I can either explain things to them in a clear simple manner or stonewall them until they give up. Either way I choose to do things, the one thing these people need to know is I am fully aware what they are up to at all times. There is still a line you know!

I`m Not Crazy, I just live in Tokyo

2010-10-06T17:55:00.001+09:00

I guess you reach a point living in Tokyo that you kind of start to fight back. For a long time I gave the Japanese the benefit of the doubt even when no one else would. I still do this to some extent but not like I use to. These days I have simply had enough of people`s shit. I take the stance that `yeah I am not Japanese so get the fuck over it already.` I feel that a lot of Japanese need to grow the fuck up and accept the fact there are actually people living in places other than Japan. Further more these people who are not from Japan have a culture rich in history and do not speak Japanese. Not all Japanese are THAT retarded as to think Japan is the end all of end all but in my experience at least 30% of the population believes it to be true. I could just as easy say the same thing about my mother land America. Yet due to America`s unique diversity the effects are not as extreme as compared to Japan.

So yeah, I have been fighting back. I really don`t live by the Japanese thought process anymore. All of the insane ideas of what a `gaijin` should and should not be just does not fly with me at all. I am not a goddamn monkey. I do not put up with any disrespect from these people anymore. If they want my respect they will have to earn it the good old fashion hard way. I don`t give a damn if they feel Japan is special and the Japanese should get special treatment. They are human just like me. If they fuck with me I fuck with them twice as much right back. If they are nice to me and show REAL respect I will do the same. Now, let me stop for a minute and say that I do not hate Japanese people. I feel they have a interesting culture. At their best the Japanese are polite and caring people. At their worst they are backward and racist compared to the rest of the world.

Let me give yall two perfect examples of the best and worst of Japan.

The best: One time I had been getting drunk in Shibuya. I got pretty damn drunk that evening and ended up missing the last train. After wondering around the area I passed out in front of the now closed HMV. It was a nice warm night and I thought since the damn homeless bums can sleep on the street it would be okay for me as well. I don`t know how long a was sleeping there but I was awoken by a damn Metro cop working the late night beat. He said me to me in Japanese, `Are you okay? I don`t care but HMV get very angry to you for sleeping here. Please drink at bar for first train(Japanese language is hard to translate for me, they really do speak this way)` He did not arrest me or anything. He even showed me an all night bar for me to chill until the trains started running again. He was a really cool dude.

The worst: I had been working in Kamata. It had been a long day of working and I wanted nothing more than to go home and have dinner with my wife. I got to the station and goddammit here comes a fucking cop. He stopped me and demanded I present my `gaijin` card to him(gaijin means outside person. Gaijin card is an id card all non-Japanese are required to carry with them at all times). I refused of course because I know that by law no cop can ask me for my `gaijin` card without giving a reason. He refused to give me a reason and arrested me. He took me to the piggy box beside the station. For the next 3 hours I was asked a shit load of questions and treated like a common piece of trash. The bastard slapped me a few times and tried to get me to admit to some crime I did not do at all. He let me go when he realized I was wise to his game. That experience has caused me to totally not trust the Metro police. I got the asshole back the very next week. I puked all over the piggy box when they were on a smoke break.

So there is a fine example of the best and worst of Japanese people. I could give some more examples but I do not want this post to drag on. So at this point I cannot and will not put up with any Japanese bullshit at all. With that said, I still enjoy living in Tokyo. I have a hell of a good time on a regular basis. It is just that the Japanese will not fuck with me without getting a fight on their hands.

Fucking Cats In Adachi-Ku!

2010-09-15T06:51:00.001+09:00

I don`t know when it started or how it started but my beloved Adachi-ku has been invaded by cats. For the past several years Adachi-ku Tokyo has been under attack by loud, nasty, hungry, fighting, fuck loving cats! This problem would not be so bad if it was not for the amount of hell this gang of cats are able to produce in just one night. After one night in Aoi you would think that some twisted feline WW3 had started. What do people in Tokyo consider Adachi-ku? Did the Japanese secretly decide to declare Adachi an official dumping ground for all the metro area fucked-up out of control cats?

I have done my best to accept and even befriend our invaders but they are not interested in being friends. These damn cats want to take over I tell you! I can deal with the fighting because sometimes that shit is real funny. What is really driving me up the wall and costing me sleep is the fucking. Cats fuck in the loudest most god awful way possible. It sounds like a gang of demons from hell and ugly Star Trek aliens having a porn quality orgy. Go ahead and let that visual sink into your head for a minute. Now you know what I deal with every night. Cats get pure fucking crazy when they fuck. There is no sense in that shit! By far, cats are the most insane fuckers on this mud ball called earth.

Even though I don`t like these crazy goddamn cats I still have to share the hood with them. So how do I deal with little bastards? I have tried several things to cope. I have tried music, which just distracted my mind even more, and movies which failed to drown out the sound. I got really pissed off one night and threw rocks at the cats. They only left for a few hours and when returned and started fucking again. At this point I am pretty much out of ideas. I am now asking yall what I should do about these no good fuck crazy cats. I need some good suggestions before I go into the street with a bottle of wine and a hammer!

Japan`s Troubles With Moving Forward

2010-08-03T04:08:00.000+09:00

I was looking around Japansoc.com and found an article from TIME on Japan`s slow slide downward. You can read the article here. Anyone who has lived in Japan for a few years should be able to clearly see that this is not a nation which accepts change very well. At times it can appear that it is a nation which lacks the ability to change all together. I try to resist such thinking but it is damn hard when I deal with the ethic majority up close and personal on a daily basis. You know, I have this habit of watching the Japanese pretty close at times. I try my best to understand what is going on with the ethic majority but they can be a tough bunch to figure out at times. What is certain is that the nation of Japan is in serious trouble on many fronts. It seems that almost every serious problem that could face a highly advanced industrialized nation has befell on Japan.

I don`t think it can be argued that Japan is a nation in serious decline. The aging and declining population is one hell of a problem all by itself. They got a suicide rate that is startling. Japan has the fourth highest suicide rate in the world. The Federal government is in a constant state of either instability or a complete stale mate. Japan has had six prime minsters in four years. On top of these issues is the fact that Japan has a economy that is almost completely stagnant. This nation has so many issues they need to invest in a magazine rack!

Why can`t Japan seem to get it together? They have been in this situation for decades now. Even since the bubble meltdown at the end of the 80`s Japan has seem to have lost it`s mojo. I live and interact with the Japanese on a daily basis and I see a lot of empty pride combined with a kind of collective self loathing. They seem to love themselves and hate themselves at the same time. It is as if they have given up on themselves. When I talk to a lot of them they tell me about a lot of things they want to do but go on to say they don`t have the confidence to actually do it. It is clear that there is a kind of national sadness the Japanese are rolling around in like a pig in shit. Yall every seen a pig roll around in shit? The more a pig rolls around in shit and stinks the more a pig likes it. This seems to be what the Japanese are doing as a whole. The more they stay stuck in this odd national sadness the more they like and accept it as normal.

What can they do to get things back on track? Well, the aging and decline in population is a bit too far along to fix from inside Japan. It is clear they are gonna need outside help. The solution would seem simple enough. Increase immigration and the number of permanent residents in order to balance thing out a little. What makes that complex is the fact that the ethic majority suffers from extreme xenophobia as a whole. Hell, I have lived in the same neighborhood for years and my neighbors still do not talk to me. If the Japanese do not become more accepting of foreigners and diversify a bit more, the population and work force may very well become unsustainable.

The suicide thing is very disturbing. It has become so common place that most people are not even phased by it anymore. From my experience when someone throws themselves in front of a train most people don`t even care that a human life has just ended tragically. Most of the people on the train are just pissed that the train is stopped and they are going to be late getting to where ever they are headed. The indifference toward suicide in Japan is something which is not being addressed at all. There are very few outreach programs and people are not encouraged to seek the programs that are available. This problem is more a cultural problem than simply a lack of proper funding of needed outreach programs. The only thing I can say is that they needed to start admitting it is a big problem and talk about it openly.

Overall yall Japan needs a new direction.They need something to fire them up again. So far the government seems to want to spend its time pointing the finger at each other and trying to find ways to make outdated methods work. The people are doing their best to make their way in very uncertain times. The ethnic majority are mostly alright people overall.. They just got some deep rooted problems which have no easy answers. I like living here and am happy to call Japan my home. Maybe things will change for the better in the future. Lord knows the Japanese could use a little inspiration.

A Tokyo Life: Welcome to the World`s Largest Rat Race

2010-08-01T02:18:00.001+09:00

The suns raises at 4:30 a.m. and already the city stirs. There is a man riding around the hood on a loud scooter dropping off the morning paper. A few gals and guys are rolling in from a long night of partying. Old men hobble along the street spitting their guts up while making their way to buy some cheap sake. In a few hours a sudden mind numbing sound makes your ears bleed. Your eyes open and are burned by an already punishing morning sunshine. You smack the alarm clock like a red headed step sister and reach for a pack of Lucky Strikes. Your day has begun.

After a cup of coffee and hacking up something nasty from your lungs it is time to shit shower and shave.The process is the same everyday. You rush to get though the daily personal hygiene ritual in order to have enough time to smoke another cancer stick, suck down another cup of coffee, and check your e-mail. With 20 minutes before you have to catch the train you throw on your suit like a coke fiend; leaving just enough time to fix your hair. You run your ass to the station and get on the train just before the doors coldly shut. The journey to work has begun.

You have to transfer three times to get to the hell hole called a job. The mass of merciless business men and crazed city dwellers push, punch, poke, grab, and cram onto the trains like a pack of starved cannibals fighting over virgin flesh. You are the virgin flesh offered up as a human sacrifice. They are the hungry masses foaming at the mouth. You must fight for your life or be eaten alive before you even get the change to sell your soul the waiting slave master.

You somehow arrive at work in one piece. Everyone is just as pissed off and on fire as you. All of your fellow slaves are hustling to prepare for another day of thankless service to the all power company. Big Brother is watching of course and he loves you dearly. Don`t fuck-up or you will have to be reeducated with a trip to the Hello Work office. As the work day progresses you feel as if you are one day closer to jumping in front of a train; then lunch break arrives. You run away from the place of your torment to the nearest restaurant that serves up food which would make the average person kill over. You eat with joyful glee and stare at the other customers with a cold glare.

When your slave master finally releases you from your daily habit of S&M bondage known as work, you dash to the nearest low down bar to drink until you cannot feel feelings anymore. You have developed the ability to drink and smoke enough poison to kill an African elephant during your time in Tokyo so far. The natives dare not try to out drink you for fear of death by alcohol poison. The waiter always looks at you with a hateful glare when you order the all you can drink option. They not making any money off of you tonight because you always drink enough to get 20 navy boys from Yokosuka drunk.. Somehow you make it out of the bar just in time to catch the last train home. The cannibals are almost as drunk as you hence not as hungry for your virgin flesh.

When you arrive home you spend a good hour emptying your stomach of the poison which did not manage to infect your body. After which you pass out with you head resting on the toilet seat for a good 30 minutes. You finally make it to your bed when you are awoken by the sounds of a fight on the street; but don`t remember how you managed such a feat. You are at peace for now.

Keeping Money on My Mind in Tokyo

2010-07-22T08:33:00.002+09:00

Money has been in my thoughts a lot recently. To be more exact, I been thinking about how to make more money. Living in Tokyo is damn expensive. Having enough money to pay the bills,put food on the table, and have a good time regularly can be a challenge at times. It seems like if I could just earn a little more yen things would be a lot easier. I have still been able to keep my full time gig my some unseen miracle(English teaching in Japan can be cut throat at times). Yet, I am gonna have to get a part time gig on the side. I just need a little extra money. An extra 20,000 or 30,000 yen a month would really mean a lot to me. How the hell am I gonna pull this off?

Well, I have been talking to a few folks and there does seem to be options. More than one person has mentioned to me that doing some corporate English teaching part time is a good way to make extra yen. I have never done it before but I am sure I can handle it. I have been teaching English for several years now so I should be able to handle just about every kind of English lesson. I am not saying that I can walk into a class and hit a home run from day one but I am sure I can adjust pretty quickly. I guess the added flexibility of doing corporate lessons would be nice. I like the flexibility I have with my private students. I can pretty much put together a lesson using my own method while at the same time customizing the material to meet the needs of the student. Making my own lessons is always fun. The drawbacks with corporate lessons might be stability. If a company does not need me anymore or they want to change teachers for what ever reason I might find myself in a tough position to be assigned another corporate gig.

Another thing to think about is which kind of company to try and get hired by to do corporate teaching. Currently, it looks like I can try to get on with a dispatch company or try to get hired on the corporate side of an eikaiwa company. Both kinds of companies could be alright to work part time for as well as be a foot in the door for a full time contract down the road if I so choose. As long as they got a place for me and I fit in well where they assign me either kind of company could be alright. The thing about dispatch is that I might end up doing ALT work and I would rather not do that right now. Corporate English teaching is what I am most interested in doing part time for now. Doing my full time gig and then turing around and pulling a day or two at a jr. or senior high school would a bit of a drain on me energy wise. So I guess I will focus on trying to get a part time gig working on the corp. end of a ekiaiwa company(hence avioding branch work for two different companies) while holding onto my full time gig.

From this point all I got to do is update my resume and apply to a company or two and see how it goes. No matter what, I really need something on the side. I don`t have enough private student yet to rely just on that alone to pad my monthly income. Well yall, welcome to the life of a English teacher in Japan.

Don`t Call It A Come Back!

2010-07-14T16:26:00.000+09:00

Hello Japan! You motherfuckers! Yeah, that is right my ass is still here. I have been keeping my head low for a while. A lot of crazy ass things have went down. A hell of a lot of stress and general bullshit kept my attention away from The Ghost Letters Blog.. I have collected a few good tales during my absence; some are worth sharing and some are not.

Anyway, my ass is still in Tokyo going strong. Despite all the insanity, low moments, fighting, drinking and tears I have survived all that Tokyo has thrown at me. I have pretty much come to point of `Fuck most of shit people in this city try to pull on a daily basis` kind of mindset. People can be damn brutal selfish assholes in this city. I used to smile and try my best to put up with all the sociopath like behavior I deal with. Not any more! I really can`t put up with it anymore yall. If I am going to keep calling Tokyo home I have to draw a line in the sand. At this point when someone pulls that brutal selfish shit all I can do is let them go their own way. I don`t even have to be rude for someone to take a hint. All I have to do is simply stop the good time with them as soon as they pull any shit with me. I tried it recently and it worked like a charm.

Well, besides dealing with sociopaths I also been doing a lot of drinking with many different people. It is good to feel people out from time to time. Folks lighten up a bit after a few drinks. I get to see what kind of person they really are. I have found that most gaijin in Tokyo are totally in a near constant state of stress. I can relate for sure. People do some pretty shitty things in order to purge their stress. Some of the stuff they do is understandable but others things are really unacceptable. Yet, I can`t life their lives for them so I say, `have at it you`re a big boy.` You know, it is like when you hang-out a few times and all of a sudden they do something so horn-dog that you can`t look at them the same way anymore. What happened to simply hanging out with friends? I can recall so many evenings in which I just wanted to hang-out and have a few beers. Sadly, what ends up happening is I get to watch someone hit on chicks they will never get and basically babysit their drunk overbearing ass.

Hell, not everyone is fucked-up and crazed in Tokyo. I have met some really good people here. I know some people I would trust with my life; a very short list might I add. I wish I had more good-hearted funny down to earth people around me. I like going out and having a damn good time but all the horn-dog shit is really a drag. I don`t mind people going out and looking for a gal to fuck. Getting laid is a very good thing indeed. I am married so I don`t really care about picking up chicks so much. I am happy with what I got at home.

Any damn way, my ass is back and blogging again. I am also going to start taking a more active role in the English speaking J-web again. I miss a few folks here on the web so I look forward to reconnecting with a few of yall. So until next time, have a cold one for me.

A Taste of America

2010-04-10T05:34:00.002+09:00

So things have not been going smooth as of late for ya boy yall. My blogging has slowed down to a crawl as I try to get my head screwed on tight. The good news is things are starting to get back to some strange idea called "normal." Yet, one of strangest experiences as of late has went a long way in helping me clean the shit off my shoes. Recently I took up an invite to spend a day on a damn US Navy base here in land of the raising sun. As most of yall are aware America has it military boot firmly placed in Japan`s ass. America likes the situation and the Japanese, despite their bitching from time to time, enjoy the fact they got a powerful army to back them up at a moments notice.All of that don`t really matter a damn to me. I just wanted to check out a `foreign` US military base and get a taste of home.

My buddy is ex-Navy who spent four years stationed at Yokosuka Navy base. He said he could get me on base with offers of `American beer, American food, and Taco Bell.` Hell, I would be damn stupid to pass on such an offer.I have not eaten `real` American food in a long time; McDonald`s does not count. I have gotten too used to eating Japanese food and half-ass attempts at American food. So off I went to the Nazi Camp, I mean US military base, with an ex-sailor.

I showed up late but my sailor buddy did not seem to mind much. He was busy trying to handle two high maintenance chicks and a grumpy hungry two year old baby. He was happy to see my ass when I flagged him down at the train station. He finally had him some back-up so to speak. After a quick hand shake and smile of relief, he lead me about two blocks away to meet up with his ball and chain, her friend and his cute but hungry two year old child. He them hauled the gang off to the base.

Now, remember I have not been around anything directly tied to the United States in several years. I completely forgot my home culture is filled with a boot licking, crazed, everyone is shit and a terrorist Nazi-like mind set. Stepping onto a US military base in Japan only throws me head first into the New-American mentality. I was excited as I was watchful and cautious. My Ex-Navy buddy knew the drill much better than me. I have been spoiled with complete freedom of movement and privacy; with only getting harassed by board Japanese police once or twice a year. We rolled up on the base and low and behold I need to be toe tagged before setting foot on US owned soil. I can understand the need for some kind of permission to enter a military base but the manner of going about it is a little unnerving. My Ex-Navy buddy said to me, `Stay cool man. I will handle this.` He gets some kind of strange form requiring me to report my nationality, current address and other such personal information. They wanted me to submit to a biometric shake down but my buddy got me out of it by saying, `It`s cool he is an American living in Japan and not a threat.` The butch looking Navy gal gave me a look of malice only given to enemies of the state; which in her mind was most likely anyone not enlisted. She ended up giving me a slip of paper with my picture on it saying I was `cool` and away me went.

When I finally got into the base I felt a wash on strange comfort come over me. I could feel American culture all around me but something was off. It was like some kind of weird simulation of American for some spy training camp. Everything look and operated a bit too perfect. At first I felt pretty good but soon a felt comfort yet confused and a silent paranoia. That`s when it hit me: I am right in the middle of US territory. It had been a long time to experience a taste of my own culture.

After a bit of time freaking out on my surroundings I decided to get what I could out of a day at the base. My Ex-Navy buddy got us on a bus and hauled us off to a food court. While I can get crap like KCF, McDonalds, or Burger King(which is kind of good) the really good American fast food is denied to me by the Japanese. Well, when we rolled up on the food court my eyes could only focus on one thing; Taco Bell! I must admit I ate like a starved pig. I may have ordered 1/3 of the menu. It was a bad call but a tasty one. The ladies in our company were taken back by my viking like feasting.

The next stop in this strange trip was the PX. The PX is very different from any old-school image in my head. It was like a military version of Wal-Mart. Stocked full of all the usual suspects of American consumerism. To my credit, I did not go into a spending spree like the zombie creature known as the American consumer. I only bought food and beer. I had to indulge myself in some `real` American food. I bought a soft shell taco kit, a four pack of Mac&Cheese, five cans of winners in a can and a six pack of Ice House beer. I was happy with my haul.

The day ended at a on-base bar with some good conversation. My buddy and I discussed our troubles over a few beers. Overall, a day at the base was interesting and good for me; despite the square atmosphere.

Old School Action in Shibamata

2010-03-05T03:53:00.004+09:00

Hello Yall! Some of you folks out there in internet land may have been wondering what the hell I have been into recently. Well, I have dealing with some deep personal crap lately. Yet, no need to worry as everything is getting back on track.

Anyway, I have really been in need of getting in some Tokyo exploring. Tokyo is a unique city in the fact that you can always find something kick ass to check out any given day of the week. With a need to get out and about I decided to head on over to Shibamata. This place is an often over looked old-school part of Tokyo. I first found out about this little damn place during a late night web surfing session. It was one of those nights when I just got completely lost in the grandeur of the internet. So, I had some extra time on my hands and decided to feed the need to explore Tokyo a bit.

When I arrived in Shibamata via the old ass Keisei line, I was overwhelmed with a sense of calmness and peace. The area was strangely quiet and the people more distant from what I am used to in Tokyo. Despite the odd feeling in the air, Shibamata did put my mind at ease pretty quickly. The area is a maze of back alleys and side streets; which eliminates all automobile traffic. The lack of autos didn`t faze me much as it really chills the place out. The shop keeps were also kind of chilled themselves. They just go about their business seemly without any care if anyone actually visits their shop. They made no effort, adverts or otherwise, to hook people into their shops. Overall, the whole area was so chilled that it was kind of too good to be true.

Speaking of shops I ran across this one store which was like some strange time warp. I guess you could call it a Showa era candy shop. The little shop packed as much old-school Japan action into one place as humanly possible. All the cool little snacks and odd five-minute trill toys which you just don`t see anymore were in full display.. It was damn good fun checking out the stuff this place had for sale. The best part of it all was they even had games! Yes, that right old-school pinball machines! Man, I hit up the entire row of pinball machines trying my ass off the make one of them tilt the max score. They had more than just pinball. Hidden in a corner was a original Super Mario machine and a flat table space invaders game. It was a true retro wet dream and a hell of a good time!

Despite all the good fun I had at the five and dime shop, there was something more wonderful to behold in Shibamata. The Shibamata Taishakuten Buddhist Temple proved to be a nice surprise to top off the peaceful feeling in the air. To be honest with yall, I have seen my fair share of temples and shrines in Tokyo. Yet, there are still a shit load I still want to get around to checking out. This temple I didn`t even know about until I ventured down to Shibamata. It was kind of cool to roll up on a temple unexpectedly. What struck me about this little find was how similar in design it was to Meiji Shrine in Shibuya. I guess Taishakuten was built around the same time as Meiji Shrine; or maybe not. It did carry the same feeling of oneness and calmness as Meiji Shrine. Although it shares some design features with Meiji Shrine, Taishakuten has a unique feature of having some stunning Japanese style trees growing right in front of it. I got this funny light feeling as I admired the temple.

Another unique part of this temple was two black Buddha statues resting toward the side of the complex. They kind of jumped out at me without warning. I have never seen twin black Buddha before. I found myself staring at the damn things for a good amount of time. They were a very striking image among all the green roof tops and perfectly placed trees. I don`t know enough about Buddism to comment on the importance of these two statues but there must be an interesting story behind them for sure.

Overall yall, checking out Shibamata for a bit was pretty cool. I have to say I really enjoyed myself. It was a nice little peaceful day trip in Tokyo. The experience was really good for me. I am gonna have to plan another little adventure to the area real soon.

Hawaii Burger in Japan from our Good Friends at McDonald`s

2010-02-20T23:44:00.001+09:00

It has been a pretty heavy week for me personally. It is one of those things which punches you in the gut for no good reason. The situation has drained me like a vampire at a blood bank. Yet, despite things being a little fucked up at the moment there is always time for a burger!

The devil of fast food goodness, McDonald`s, has released the third on a series of `custom` burgers to draw in more hungry poor ass folks like myself. The first of these special heart attack in box beauties were pretty good. The Texas burger was a nice change from the usual McDonald`s menu. I skipped out on the New York burger because the damn thing just did not seem like it was worth the money anyway. So, after dealing with the tragic events of the past week I decided to throw caution to the wind and give the Hawaii burger a go.

The past Friday my Japanese counter-part in Kamata was unusually hungry. I talked him into trying out this new offering from kings of poor quality burgers. He seem to like it but I thought it was really just a run of the mill burger. For one thing, it has no pineapples! I mean, come on! It is called a damn Hawaii burger after all. It was more like a dressed up bacon burger. It McDonald`s is trying to give Burger King a run for their money they are committing an epic fail. They must be trying to rely on pure marketing for sell these burgers. You know, `Hay Japanese! Americans from Hawaii eat burgers this way. Come and get it!`

In short, do not buy this damn burger unless you are really hungry and short on time.

Asashoryu Got Horsed By the J.S.A.

2010-02-09T11:58:00.001+09:00

Life in Japan can be pretty cut and dry sometimes. In a nation which image and pride is often more important than doing the `right thing` or even making smart decisions, a person can have their life crushed with just one small mistake. There are countless examples I could site of image and pride taking priority over sound decision making. All you need to do is look up the latest punishment handed out in political and celebrity scandals for classic examples. Yet, I am gonna focus on one such clear example of stubborn image and pride clouding sound decision making.

As the title of this post infers, the recent fate of Sumo great Asashoryu falls nothing short of exposing the pitfalls of a society which can sometimes victimizes itself over image and pride. Asashoryu is one of best Sumo wrestlers of all time. The man won 25 championships over the course of his career. Although, you would never be able to tell his is one of the greatest judging from the way his career ended.

Asashoryu was forced to `retire` because he was not `Sumo` enough. Sure, the man was a bit tough at times. He turned a few heads with his behavior both inside and outside the ring. The media sometimes refers to him as the `bad boy` of Sumo. As the world changes and more non-Japanese wrestlers enter the sport and gain success, the J.S.A(Japan Sumo Association) seems to cling onto strict ideas of what is a Sumo.

Truth be known, interest in Sumo has sharply declined in Japan over the past several decades. The sport struggles to appeal to a new generation of Japanese who regard the sport as boring, outdated and out of touch with modern Japan. Asashoryu presented a change to raise interest in the sport with this head turning behavior. While taking it too far sometimes, he at least got people interested in `what is going on in Sumo these days.` His behavior could have been mentored and kept within manageable limits. This did not happen due to the image that a yokozuna needs no one to give him advice on Sumo behavior and manners. These is also the pride of his Sumo stable which failed to guide him because it would embarrass them and lower there pride. Instead, they sat back and displayed a implied opinion that they have produced the perfect Sumo who needs to guidance. In the end, the entire image and pride of Sumo has been damaged due to lack of proper actions taken by everyone involved due to image and pride.

So, instead of trying to provide proper guidance to a amazingly gifted wrestler they simply force him to retire and pretend everything is now rosy. Asahoryu got horsed by the J.S.A. Their own pride and stubbornness ended the career of one the greatest Sumo wrestlers Japan has ever seen.

Are Teaching Standards to Blame for Japan`s Poor English Ability?

2010-02-03T14:05:00.021+09:00

I have been teaching English in Japan for several years now. I consider myself to be pretty damn good at this gig. I have even been able to earn myself an above entry level position. Yet, if there is one issue that is considered a `big stinking elephant in the room` it is taking a hard look at the English teaching standards in Japan. A lot of teachers are happy to go to work everyday and do what is expected of them without ever considering raising the bar. Usually when I bring up the topic of teaching standards to fellow teachers, they show little interest in wanting to talk about it. A lot of them have a good thing going and don`t want to so-called rock the boat. With the economy in bad shape and jobs becoming less available, it may be time to start talking more serious about the standard of English teachers in Japan.

The fact of the matter is, most English teachers in Japan did not plan on becoming a professional teacher. The teaching profession was simply a vehicle to live in Japan. Everyone has their own reasons for wanting to live in the land of raising sun. Despite all the different reasons I could cite, the fact still remains that a lot of teachers never intended to make teaching their live work. This is not a bad thing in and of itself. Hell, it can be a great way to enjoy an experience of a life time while at the same time bring in a steady income.

Our problem is one which has been supported and accepted for so long that solutions are hard pressed to find. The hiring and training policy of English teachers in Japan has been holding onto one simple practice; `Be a native speaker of English and you can work as a English teacher.` While there are other factors in hiring and training English teachers, the above mentioned policy influences the English teaching profession in Japan from top to bottom. It is no secret that most people who break into the English teaching profession in Japan start with little or no experience. They also usually lack formal education in the field of teaching. Most companies or schools do not have the time, resources, or money to invest in an employee in order to get them to the level of being a high quality teacher. Instead, the hiring and training process focuses on producing a marketable and profit generating product.What most companies end up of doing is conducting training on the most basic of teaching methods. Along with very basic methods of teaching, a good amount of time is spent on appearance and how to `play the part` of a teacher.

The type of above mentioned training can produce a marketable profit generating product with the proper follow up training and e-vals. Yet, the overall quality of lessons rarely live up to teaching standards of properly qualified teachers. The current situation of the English teaching field in Japan has created relatively low English speaking ability for many Japanese. English being a major world language, not just for business but also as a commonly spoken language in general, is a vital skill for many Japanese people to attain the ability to speak English. Yet, it seems that for every one English teacher with the proper qualifications and skills, there are fifty teachers lacking proper qualifications. So, the big questions remains; how do we change this situation?

Currently, the industry does not seem willing to support teachers who want to get better qualifications and higher skill. A quick search around the web will show that there is little in the way of attaining English teaching qualifications in Japan. There are a few workshops around but they only offer things most good teachers already know. Of course, anyone looking for get any kind of qualification in teaching English should be careful of money making scams which offer no real help at all. They are all over the place and it is pretty clear they are a scam if you know what you are looking for.

If the industry does not want to support English teachers seeking to get better qualified, hence giving the English teaching profession more creditability, the teachers themselves are going to have it do it. The first level of qualification for anyone wanting to get more serious about teaching English is the CELTA. This entry level qualification is intensive yet worth every penny. Unfortunately, there is no way to get this qualification in Japan. Yet, another sign of the poor English teaching standards in Japan. If you are working as a English teacher in Japan, the best way to get CELTA qualified is going to Thailand for a few weeks. An English teacher can get the CELTA qualification in Thailand in a matter of four weeks. It is one month of intensive study and practical experience which will mean a world of difference to your skill as a English teacher. There are two pretty good companies in Thailand offering CELTA qualifiactions; ECC Thailand and Cactus.

Getting more English teachers in Japan qualified up to at least the CELTA level will be a big first step in increasing English teaching standards in Japan. It will be good for the English teaching sector, good for teachers, and most important good for Japan. Hell, maybe a few teachers will be inspired to take it a step further and go for the DELTA qualification.